blast from the past......Van Halen

The radio station I listen too just finished up an interview with “Diamond” David Lee Roth of Van Halen fame.

I’d forgotten how much of a guilty pleasure Diamond Dave can be. I actually got to meet Van Halen in the early eighties when I managed the music store. Unfortunately I met the band just after Sammy Hagar signed on.

We were doing another guitar signing and we had Eddie lined up to do the honors. Back then I was hanging out and drinking with this pair of sisters. That’s sibling sisters, not sista’s.

They were cool to hang with other then the fact that they could be uber bitchy at times. I think that when they were born the doctor must’a slapped em too hard.

Also at times the sibling rivalry would get out of hand and I’d have to separate the two, though in retrospect I couldn’t think of a better Springer moment then that.

Other then that they both knew the deal and oddly enough didn’t mind watching my back on occasion. One of em still has the award for best one liner from a female.

This guy walked over to her one night and asked how could he get next to her? Her exact words were; “three hundred more pounds and black”.

I looked at the guy and said; “oh my god! Are you ok? That must’a hurt like a muthafucker”, bye, bye. You gotta love shit like that.

I had to go do this Van Halen thing and I thought I’d take one of the sisters along for the ride. I picked the older one cause I thought she’d be a bit more stable in a crowd. Fuck, was I wrong.

We were all hanging out backstage in the “Green” room waiting on the band to show up. Me and the sister along with the guitar winner and his date. Warm beer and bad deli food, whoo hoo. Some kind of treat huh?

There was also a bunch of radio station type people hanging which just stank the fuckin place up. Finally the band walked in and can I say that I’m always so amazed how short these guys useually are.

The only cat near my height was Alex Van Halen. The rest of the band was pretty short, or so it seemed. My girl was standing near the wall sucking on a beer when Alex walked up behind her.

I guess he was in full rock star mode cause the first thing he did was reach down and grab her by the ass. Did I mention that neither of the sisters was running a full tank?

Which is a moot point because what the sister did next was so fuckin justified.

The one sister that I’d thought would be cool in a crowd turned around and slapped Alex Van Halen right across the mush. I freaked, the crowd freaked because the sister was doing her best to break a beer bottle in half and fuck somebody’s drummer up.

I ran and grabbed her and moved her to the other side of the room. Alex was pretty cool about the whole thing; he knew even for a rock star he had overstepped his bounds.

I need to find her, I imagine that by now she’s probably doing the soccer mom thing and telling her kids about the day she tagged a famous rock star and knocked the pussy taste out of his mouth, and the little rat bastards not believing her.

I’ll have to send her some pictures of her hanging with the band.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"