small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: We return to our regular programming

Wednesday, May 16

We return to our regular programming


There’s been a string of robberies here in town as of late.

What muthafuckers are stealing are those big rooftop air conditioner units. They take them and strip all the copper and brass fittings which they then sell to scrap yards.

I’m not even gonna try to figure out the fuckin logistics and shit of how muthafuckers are able to get up on roofs and spy away with shit weighing hundreds of pounds without getting busted.

Or the ask no questions policy going on that local scrap yards must have when they see a bunch of meth/crack heads dragging all this shit through the gate.

This does bring to mind this story I read about this dumb muthafucker who needed money for his next fix and decided that he could sell brass shell casings for a few bucks.

Yeah this Darwin Award in the making figured out that he needed to remove the bullets from the casings so what he did was put the shells in a vise and whack on em until the bullets fell out.

Now let’s take a little time out for a quick lesson in the physics of how a bullet fires from the Penis Of Knowledge.

You got the brass shell casing that contains the gun powder, and on the end of that muthafucker sits the bullet.
So when the bullet is sitting in the firing chamber and the trigger is pulled, a compressed spring drives the hammer forward. The firing pin on the hammer extends through the body of the gun and hits the primer which is the ass end of the bullet.

The primer explodes, igniting the propellant. The propellant burns, releasing a large volume of gas. The gas pressure drives the bullet from the shell down the barrel ejecting the bullet from the weapon at a fuckin high rate of speed.
And this stupid bastard was smacking on bullets with a fuckin hammer?

He now has the distinction of shooting himself without using a gun.

According to my many unknown sources he smacked one bullet too many and it went off hitting him in the fuckin stomach.

I just figuring that had to be one embarrassing 911 phone call and a lot of pain for what amounts to maybe five bucks of scrap metal.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"

3 Comments:

Blogger satyavati said...

Thank you.. I actually had no idea how the whole gun/bullet thing worked, just that the Chinese knew how to do it before anyone else.

I also had no idea that Falwell died until I stopped over by XO's. You see how I'm completely out of touch with the world.

But that wasn't why I was writing. Isn't the Penis of Knowledge something from a GWAR concert?

2:58 PM  
Blogger Greg Beck said...

not sure but I first heard it quoted in the movie "Gristle". how's the rack by the way? it's missed. :)

3:03 PM  
Blogger Spyder said...

As a child my grandfather stuck a hatpin into rifle cartridge. It blew his hand up. It kept him out of WW II but he was a better hunter than most.

3:30 PM  

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