Excuse me for being out of touch; FEMA had me away at training up in Emmitsburg, Maryland for the past week at the National Emergency Institute. It’s the former site of St. Joseph’s College which was purchased by the Federal Emergency Management Agency in 1979 to serve as a training facility. Prior to its official closing in 1973, the college served as a 4-year liberal arts college for women. In 1981, the facility was entered into the Federal records as the National Emergency Training Center (NETC). The NETC houses the United States Fire Administration (USFA) (which includes the National Fire Academy (NFA)); and the Emergency Management Institute (EMI). It’s also the location of The Fallen Firefighters Memorial which was dedicated on October 4, 1981, and in October 1990, Congress designated it as the National Fallen Firefighter’s Memorial. It’s a memorial to all firefighters who lost their lives in the line of duty. Every year the names of firefighter’s who’ve died in the line of duty are added to the memorial as part of its permanent record. The campus faces the Catoctin Mountains in Maryland, and it’s a very old campus as that much of it was built in the 1800’s, and it goes without saying that the place was stupid with firefighters from everywhere you can imagine. I was there as part of my training as an EEO counselor which I found to be very interesting, I wish I’d known some of this EEO shit years ago, but I’m a bad muthafucker now. The campus was very nice, being near the mountains and all, but my dorm room sucked hugely. I finally came to the realization that the dorm I was assigned to must’a been built for kids. Take for example the stinking bed I slept on, it measured six feet by thirty six inches. I’m well over six feet and haven’t seen thirty six inches in years. So as a result my big ass didn’t fit for shit and I kept rolling off the muthafucker. Plus I had to keep my legs cocked cause I couldn’t stretch out. And don’t even get me started on the fuckin shower, but for a week I was able to deal with it. And I definitely got in my daily walk cause from my dorm to the lunch hall was clear on the other side of the campus. Walk to eat, walk to class, walk to do this, walk to do that, I was a fat walking sweaty fool. The humidity was a muthafucker in the afternoon, even the papers in my briefcase would wilt. The place was just a few miles from the Battle of Gettysburg and from the scuttlebutt on campus very close to Camp David. So all week long I was away from computers, cell phones and the like, I was an out of touch muthafucker. I did have TV, but that was only good for so long, and because I was picked up at the airport I was without a car, so I never left the campus area. They did have a pub on campus which was next door to my dorm where a thirsty cat could knock back beers for a dollar a bottle, but who wants to drink with a bunch of standoffish firemen and EMT types? But in honor of Jeff Kay who runs the “West Virginia Surf Report”, I downed a few Yuengling lagers since the place had em in stock and he’s always touting the virtues of said brews. But if you know me, beer is beer, and ain’t nothing like a frosty Jim Beam and coke which they didn’t serve to slake a grown man’s thirst. And to answer the burning question, I rolled over at the airports and took the boots off without a fuss, and my belt, and undid my fuckin pants, and took off all the jewelry, and when they asked I happily let em open my bags up and rummage thru em. Believe you me, when I saw airport security searching small kids and running women’s flip-flops thru the scanner I knew I didn’t stand a chance, not even withstanding the fact that I was sporting the FEMA/Homeland Security ID and all that. But it was funny that I noticed that when they got the huge black man spreading his arms and legs like some demented stripper, people still look at you like you’re doing wrong, yeah, until it’s their fuckin turn at the till. And I also decided that I’m not down with flying, I’m cool with everything but the take off and landings, and oh yeah, that part where the plane’s in the air and makes a turn, and the wing dips and it seems like the planes stopped all forward motion? That part sucks too. On my trip out I changed planes in Pittsburg and had to climb into a small turbo prop. Now that was an interesting bit of muthafuckin shit. I stopped counting the times I thought I was gonna die. Word. But I’m glad I went and I’m gladder that I’m back in one piece. Even when the shuttle bus let me out in the long term parking lot and as the shuttle vanished into the distance and I came to the realization that I forgot where I parked the shitting car, I was still glad to be home and back on the ground. Peace