Things I noticed on my journey out east


• The crazy assed chapel on the EMI campus whose bell rang on the hour and every quarter hour. It also played Beatle’s tunes as well as show tunes. As the kids would say, “that be some mad crazy whack shit”.

• There’s a lot of fat firemen in the world, gots to be a bitch going up and down ladders.

• Why do women in airports always look better?

• Speaking of women, are airline stewardess getting uglier, and why?

• In the campus cafeteria they had all the free ice cream you could eat, so how come I never had any?

• Wednesday nights was karaoke night at the pub on campus; muthafucker’s sang their asses off till the fuckin cows came home. PS. I stayed the hell away from that shit.

• Thursday nights this bar in Emmitsburg sent a bus to campus to pick up the hard-core drinker’s. What a great scam I thought, you gots no ride? I send a bus to pick your asses up.

• It’s damn hard to keep a masturbatory thought train going when there’s religious symbols everywhere you look.

• Watching a fire truck snap a sharp right turn and go up on two wheels because the DC traffic wouldn’t stop for it was some fucked up shit to see.

• Watching a bunch of highly pissed firemen bail out of the muthafucker going after some of the assholes who didn’t stop was kind’a cool.

• Finding out that the bathrooms on airplanes are a lot smaller then they look.

• And trying to pee during turbulence just ain’t kosher.

• On the ride back I was eavesdropping on this great conversation between this nine year old white kid who was into this too serious conversation with this black old school band guy and his ho sitting behind me. They were all about the X-Files and government conspiracies and fake moon landings and shit. And I was so amazed that despite the difference in age and cultural background, how in-sync those two were. So I turned around and gave the kid a FEMA patch I happened to have in my satchel cause I thought he might dig it. The black band guy was astounded that I worked for FEMA and kept demanding that I tell him about the aliens that FEMA knew about. When I told him that FEMA ain’t got no aliens he got pissed and wouldn’t talk to me any more. Thus I never got to find out what band he played with.

• Taking my class picture that’s going nation wide wearing a tattoo shirt and shades was fun. And I suppose I’ll find out soon enough how FEMA feels about it.