an award winning "sweatin the small stuff"

In the spirit of bestowing accolades and other like natured shit, I’d like to present a very special edition of “sweatin the small stuff”. And present my own unique awards to some very deserving people in the news.

In the “needs to be smacked across the fuckin forehead with a wooden plank" category

the winner is Miami artist Maria Alquilar for being such an uppity pretentious bitch. When the good folks in Livermore, California took the wrappings off of the new $40,000 ceramic mural she created that was just installed outside the city's new library. It was only a few minutes before some little girl said, “hey, that’s not how you fuckin spell Michelangelo is it”? It was then that everyone could see the misspelled names of Einstein, Shakespeare, Vincent Van Gogh, Michelangelo and seven other historical figures. It goes without saying that the library director was pissed along with the city council who had to unass six thousand dollars to fly Maria’s non spelling butt into town to repair her fuckup. Now’s here where Maria reached for greatness. She’s cool with fixing her fuckup but she’s not one bit apologetic about what happened. In fact ole uppity bitch is quoted as saying that

"the importance of this work is that it is supposed to unite people, and by pointing out these paltry mistakes they’re denigrating my work and the purpose of this work"

What, you fuckin spell worse then a snowcone eatin retard and you want to blame the people you sold your piece of shit art too for pointing this huge fuckup out to you? Oh yeah baby, for being such an asshole you might even get the full on “needs to be smacked across the fuckin forehead with a wooden plank with a running start”.

And in the “ hey, my dad has this old barn we can put the show on in!” Cool, but isn’t the barn dangerous and ready to fall down?” category

The winner goes to Phil Lalani, a hotel owner from Blackpool, England, and his girlfriend; Katrina Copsey. Who along with a group of other equally stupid people plan to tour Iraq later this month. These fine examples of Darwinism at work have paid cash money to reserve space in a tour of the country later this month with Don Lucey, a former British special-forces officer. Cost of the eight-day trip: $2,200 per person, with mandatory “you might get your ass fucked up” insurance adding another $1,000. First off I have to hand it Don. Lets see, collect all the money from the rich meat-sacks that want to tour thru fucked up Iraq. And you’re the only one with proven battle and survival skills? Hmmm, sounds like easy money in the bank to me when you take a right turn whilst the rest of the tour takes a left.

Oops, sorry, I thought they were all behind me

Fuck, you know shit’s bad when even the director of Iraq’s state run tourism board, a Mr. Ahmad al-Jobori tries to tell muthafuckers that coming down here is a bad idea. Now that’s a tough job, running Iraq’s tourism. Gotta love the new slogan

Come see the ancient wonders of Iraq! You’ll lose your head in all the excitement

And in the “damn, why can't I shake the feeling that I left something on?” category

The win goes to the asshole who’s home was being repaired after being fucked over by Hurricane Charley. The bright bulb of shit was busted by the cops the other day after the crew hired to repair his home kicked over this box of kiddy porn when they were down in the cat’s basement doing some work and shit. When the cops showed up they started searching and ended up finding enough child pornography to fill the bed of a full size pickup. Damn, what a freak flag flyin soon to be prison bitch dumbass.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"