sweatin the small stuff

Balloon animals are really gay

One final note about all the movies I watched this weekend. Last night I made a serious attempt to watch “Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban”, and here’s my thoughts. I’ve never read the books, as a matter of fact I never heard of Harry Potter until the movies came out. I’ve seen the first two movies and actually enjoyed em and found them both to be a pleasant diversion. But last night no matter how hard I tried to make my mangina pook out I just couldn’t make myself sit thru that muthafucker. Harry Potter was cute as a kid and that made the first two films tolerable, but Harry Potter as a teenager or preteen or whatever you want to call it comes off as really gay. Not in a “hey, that’s so gay”, but in a “what a bunch of fey muthafuckers” kind of gay. And I just couldn’t do it, no sir I couldn’t do it. But enough of me being a film critic, lets move on to this weeks edition of “sweatin the small stuff”.

Anthony Flew, a British philosophy professor who for most of his life has been a leading supporter of atheism has had a change of heart. Mr. Flew now insists to all that will listen that he more or less believes in God.

“Super-intelligence is the only good explanation for the origin of life and the complexity of nature, thus there is a god”

Listening to this cat’s shit makes me wonder if he really believes in god or Brainiac, or is it that the muthafucker’s eighty-one years old and trying to pad his bets before he dies. Maybe he needs to hang out with this group of Christian protesters in Scotland that have called on police to prosecute a theater company for blasphemy because it ‘s putting on a play about a gay Jesus. Yeah, it seems some folks are putting on an American play called “Corpus Christi” at Saint Andrews University in Scotland. And the righteous believers who belong to the group “Christian Voice” has formally lodged a complaint with the local police saying that the play is blasphemous and that they want to see muthafuckers in jail. According to the group Jesus Christ is being portrayed as a foul-mouthed, drunken, promiscuous homosexual and that’s an insult to their faith. But the play’s director is crying “whatever” stating that in the play Jesus isn’t portrayed as a drunken foul mouth at all, in fact he doesn’t say one bad word throughout the entire play so right back at ya muthafuckers. The whole deal sounds like an episode of “South Park” doesn’t it? But it is food for thought cause last night whilst flipping channels I got to thinking as to how Christians are the first to get so fucking pissed off when shit doesn’t go their way. They’re worse then fucking republicans in that respect. There are Christian bookstores, Christian schools, Christian channels on the fuckin TV and shit. But let the stinkin Pagans or Druids try to start schools or get their own cable channel or start a university and Christian muthafucker’s get all up in arms and shit. Christians can and are allowed to make light of other religions and their gods. But call Jesus gay or imply that he had a cock and suddenly shit’s all fucked up. There was a painting recently if memory serves me correct that portrayed Jesus as a black woman wearing dreads. The white Christians came out of the fucking woodwork talking about how blasphemous that was. I don’t know about the woman part but you walk into most black churches and you’ll see black Jesus’s all over those muthafuckers. I’m just sayin that everybody has their Jesus and it ain’t always and more importantly shouldn’t be like everybody’s elses.

And in what can only be described as a Jesus moment a top Phoenix official died in Scottsdale on Wednesday after he fell or jumped from the roof his car as it sped down a road at a high rate of speed. Witnesses told police that the city's fifty-five year old finance director climbed through the sun roof onto the top of his moving Mercedes-Benz near 64th Street, stretched out his arms and then jumped or fell from the car. The car continued driverless until it crashed into a Dodge Neon waiting at a light. When police arrived at the accident scene, they didn’t see a driver in the Mercedes but after retracing the car's path they found the cats body 300 yards away. Investigators don't yet know whether the death was intentional, but the cruise control was apparently set at 50 mph. When questioned the dead official’s wife informed them that her husband had contracted a parasite in Mexico two years ago that affected his brain and other parts of his body. My many inside sources tell me that in rare instances, people who ingest a certain parasite called the “fuck it, I can do anything bug” that lives in the soil and makes its way into fruits and vegetables in certain parts of the world can develop frontal lobe disinhibition, which can make people do crazy shit. And that when it comes to making sound decisions our frontal lobes tell us what's socially appropriate or not and the first idea that comes to mind, without the frontal lobe stopping it, we just act on it. My many inside sources also tell me that teenagers who do dumbass shit like sniffing Freon or "surfing" atop speeding cars suffer from a non-parasitic form of the same condition. Treatment for this kind of thing varies but is limited because frontal lobe damage cannot be repaired which means if you eat some bad fruit you’re fucked, and if you’re a teenager you’re just stupid.

And now in a get the fuck out’a here moment a Canadian man who lived a bizarre double life in Utah posing as a high school teen is now in custody on financial fraud charges after being on the run from authorities for three years. Ken Lickiss, 35, was arrested in Washington and extradited to Utah where he was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail on Dec. 2. However those in Utah who know Lickiss, remember him as 15-year-old Scott, a purported homeless boy from California who went to live with a Salt Lake family for 4 1/2 years. Yeah, it seems that this muthafucker was able to pass himself off as a fifteen-year-old teenager to all that knew and met him. He even went as far as to date the teenage daughter of the family he was staying with along with other teen aged girls in the high school he went too. Now I’m not a fucking expert on fucking anything but you’d think muthafuckers would know the difference between a stinking assed fifteen year old kid and a thirty-five year old man now wouldn’t you? Oh, and here’s a great quote from the mother of one of the high school girls he dated. And when I say dated, we all know he fucked em, right? Carry on.

"He needed to be caught, what surprised me about him was how he hid his identity for four years. I was surprised he could get away with it like he did"

Yeah, I bet your ass was surprised.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"