small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>a very special birthday edition of "sweatin the small stuff"</strong>

Friday, December 3

a very special birthday edition of "sweatin the small stuff"
I want to apologize beforehand for the lack of any kind of effort on this edition of sweatin the small stuff today. It’s my birthday Saturday and I’m feeling somewhat melancholy and shit due to the fact that I’m getting old as a muthafucker. Plus when I took a shit this morning I couldn’t swear to it but I think my balls actually hung low enough to hit the water. And I even think I found a wrinkle in the mirror whilst brushing my teeth.
But anyway, here’s this week’s edition of “sweatin the small stuff”.
Now here’s something that would freak out any homeowner. In Pennsylvania this homeowner came home only to find out that whilst he was away on vacation his home had been broken into. To his horror and the horror of the cops and his neighbors, it seems that someone not only broke into the house but did the unthinkable whilst in there. After breaking out a window in the basement for entry the godless cocksucker fixed the basement window along with a few others he found, and then he left. But not before turning up the homeowner’s thermostat as high as it would go and setting the furnace fan so it was running constantly. My god, what kind of heartless bastard would do such a thing? The house was not otherwise ransacked or disturbed, and nothing appeared to be stolen but to break into a man’s home in the middle of the fuckin winter and turn his heat on high and then leave it like that? I rather have the muthafucker’s steal my TV or stereo then do shit like that. It just goes to show you how low some people will stoop to fuck up another man’s shit. Leaving the heat on, damn what’s next? Stealing cars and leaving the tank on empty?
And in an “it’s time to put the pipe down” moment, this cat in New Orleans broke into the crypt of one of his dead homies believing that the dead muthafucker had been buried with money and drugs. We need to mark this down as a defining moment to know when your monkey ass is either too high or too hard up for drugs. I’d love to see that support group meeting.
“Hi, my name is Corey and I’m addicted to crack. I knew I needed help when I found myself digging up dead muthafucker’s graves looking for money and drugs and pussy and shit”
When the brightest idea your high ass can come up with to get more money and drugs is breaking into the local graveyard and digging up some dead muthafucker’s shit it’s time to eat a bullet or throw yourself under the jail. Kind’a makes you miss the days when the lowest a crackhead would fall would be blowing some other cat for a rock or two. Or fucking the dog. I’m just sayin and shit.

And speaking of drugs never let your ass get caught dealing drugs in Scotland. Yeah, some cat convicted of dealing drugs was doing hard time in a prison in Scotland when he started displaying symptoms of urine blockage. So he went before the prison doctor who did a rectal exam which is par for the course for that sort of thing. Except that since the prison had no lubricant on hand the doctor was forced to use the next best thing. He called up the kitchen and had em send over a bowl of porridge, or otherwise known as oatmeal to us Americans. After slopping his hand in the warm porridge the good doctor then proceeded to perform his disappearing finger trick up the cat’s ass. The prison nor is currently suing the prison for doing an improper rectal exam.

Earlier this year an Afghan soldier who could not afford to get married was caught fucking a donkey. The soldier was jailed for a few days after getting narked out by some kids who spotted him fucking the animal in an abandoned house in the southeastern town of Gardez in Afghanistan. "The man pleaded that he had no other choice but donkey pussy because he could not afford to pay a dowry to get married," In many parts of Afghanistan men must pay at least $3,000 to the parents of their prospective bride, making it hard as a muthafucker to get married since the average income may only be a few hundred dollars a year.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Sivad said...

Oh how i wish those last 3 stories are not true! that is soo disgusting. where do you find this stuff? lol

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Inormally enjoy reading your blog, but common enough of the beastiality and anal fixation stuff. What are you thinking? Snap out of it. Whats next necrophylia?

9:57 PM  
Blogger Sapphire Raven said...

Hey! I had a perfectly good seat out there. But now I'm strapped in here! Thanks Happy Birthday Greg......Scariest environment imaginable...thanks. That's all you had to say, scariest environment imaginable...Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes, and the women are crazy....... I hate to be the materialistic weasel of the group, but do we get hazard pay for this? It's like I'm 98 percent excited and two percent scared. Or...or maybe it's two percent scared and 98 percent excited, I dunno, but that's what makes it so intense hey ...Im not crazy Im just a little emotional right now... its Greg birthday so after this is all over can I get a hug ..Evermore

12:05 AM  
Blogger Death said...

whatever. and you know what necrophylia means? "not having to say you're sorry". hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

12:05 AM  
Blogger Sapphire Raven said...

I think I will just Hide underneth all the victoria secrets clothing and keep my mouth shut......Evermore

12:13 AM  
Blogger pomegranate said...

Happy Birthday officially 'cause it's Saturday now.. technically speaking. That means, 1 day until my own birthday. Have lotsa fun. Steer clear of steers and dead folks.

12:16 AM  

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