small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>blast from the past</strong>

Monday, February 7

blast from the past

oh yeah baby, Flipper knew what time it was
I want a prehensile cock, you know, one that I can move around and shit just like a porpoise or dolphin. Yeah, they got one around three feet long that has little fingers on the end of it that they use to search the ocean bottom for food and shit. Swear to god its true, I even saw it on a poster I got off the back of a Rolling Stone magazine from back in the day.
“Penis’s of the Animal Kingdom”
it was called. The poster showed all these animals along with the various cocks they were sporting. Did you know a pig has a cock shaped like a corkscrew? Anyway, since I was just knee high to a muthafuckin grasshopper and shit I’ve always wanted a prehensile cock, hell, if for nothing else it’d be a great conversation piece and what an icebreaker at parties. “ Hey Bob, watch this! Hey lady! Pass me some of that shrimp”! And think of the sex, you’re smackin that ass until the chick goes, “how are you smackin my ass if both your hands are on my shoulder’s”
“What the fuck? Oh my God! Get that thing the fuck off me! No wait let me rethink that”
That shit would rock. Plus how cool would it be sittin on the couch with a smoke in one hand and a cold beer in the other hand whilst using your prehensile cock to channel surf using the remote. Think of all the tricks you could teach it, the prehensile ventriloquist cock, the kazoo blowing prehensile cock. And after fitting it with a pair of shades and a hat, you could teach it to hold conversations with the blond on the next barstool while you did something meaningful, like drink. Again, I’m just sayin.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Josh Rosenau said...

Not prehensile, but what can you do?

5:34 PM  
Blogger Monkey said...

Having a prehensile cock WOULD RULE!!!!!

Great post - hilarious thoughts!

6:57 PM  
Blogger me said...

I think it would be awesome (not to have one, but for my guy to have one) lol

7:40 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Oh, right. All these years men have been blaming their idiot moments on "but it's got a mind of its own"... can you imagine, with a prehensile one, the excuses they would come up with for shit.

Sounds like the makings of a zombie movie to me.

8:18 PM  
Blogger Sid said...

eeeeeeew, eeeeeeew, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

*blink blink*

*considering look*


Eeeeeeeeew! Gaaaaaaaaaah!

9:59 PM  

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