small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, April 14

sweatin the small stuff

From the “will you lookie here at this shit” department……….

comes a story from Pennsylvania that makes me ask the question what the fuck is wrong with some of you muthafuckers? Your old broke ass gets pissed because your equally old broke ass girlfriend won’t heat up a couple of sandwiches in the fuckin microwave. So instead of nuttin up and doing the shit yourself you get mad at your chick and bogart her ass to the floor.

Then as if that wasn’t bad enough you unplug the stinkin microwave and drop it on her as she’s lying on the dirty assed kitchen floor and on top of all that you decide to get all Tito Santana on her old ass stomping her in the chest and shit.

And just because you can you bang her head on the floor for a few minutes. Now that your girlfriend’s lying on the floor all beat up and shit, you decide you better call somebody but since you broke muthafuckers don’t have a phone you run next door to use the neighbors phone and shit but their broke asses don’t have one either.

So you run back home and check her for a pulse then decide to knock back a beer or two before you go to another neighbor to see if they have a fuckin phone so you can call 911. Oh then after all that ass kicking and fuckin around you tell the cops shit was all an accident and that you didn’t mean to kill her. I hope they put you to death and instead of the cocksuckin gas chamber they put you to death by chuck Norris and he round house kicks you to death.

And from “that old black magic” department…………

comes a story about the stupid bitch from Russia who on a flight from Vegas to New York got drunk and decided to put a hex on muthafuckers and shit. Yeah, this moose & squirrel bitch is some kind of Russian celebrity, according to my many inside sources a Gypsy singer and dancer. It seems that while the plane was still on the runway in Vegas she decided to start drinking wine out of her own bottle which ended up getting took by one of the flight attendants.

Which according to my many inside sources, got ole moose & squirrel all pissed off and she starts running up and down the fuckin aisles chanting and touching muthafuckers and shit. When the attendants tried to calm her down that’s when she declared that she was putting a fuckin hex on the plane announcing that it would crash and declaring that all the passengers, their children and their grandchildren would die.

And if that didn’t beat all when one of the flight attendants did the bum’s rush on her telling her she needed to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up, she slapped the fuck out of the attendant. She kept this bullshit up until the plane landed at Denver where it had been diverted too and Denver police dragged her old ass screaming off the plane. Moose & squirrel was released on bail, and according to the terms of her release, she’s not allowed to fly on a commercial airline until the matter is resolved. She told the court she was planning to take a bus back to New York, where she lives.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


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