small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: blast from the past.....secret lair

Monday, January 1

blast from the past.....secret lair

After watching James Bond movies for the past week I decided that I gots to hook myself up with a proper lair. You know that mad scientist shit you always see in the movies? I think I want one up high in the muthafuckin mountains so when the Man tries to sneak up on me I can nark his ass out.

I want to get crazy with power and sit in my lair in my badass despotic chair with all the switches in the armrest surrounded by the half nekked female bodyguards and shit. I want to go for somewhere in-between an in like Flint vibe mixed with a little east coast flavor. Kind’a like Shaft but still able to pull off wearing the crazy ass goggles and sliver batman helmet.

You know the whole thing about having a secret lair is the ultimate guy thing right, even though I know more then a few bad ass chicks that are more then worthy to have one of their own. You got your underground lairs, the basement lair.

Then there’s the mountain top lair, the secret island lair and the well know crime lord warehouse lair. And all evil lair’s should have the secret door that when you enter you’re overlooking your evil lair filled with all the cool shit and a shitload of minions running to and fro doing your ev’il bidding.

I will admit that all my minions will have to be women, maybe decked out in matching silver cat suits sporting the infamous power pasties. And let’s face reality because I imagine that for the sake of convenience I’d have to opt for the warehouse lair off near the edge of the city or downtown to be close to a bar.

At least one floor would have to be my crash pad, or otherwise known as the love shack. Just for getting my omnipotent groove on. I’m just sayin is all. I’d be nothing short but a badass power hungry world domineering omnipotent muthafucker. Word. Yeah, that’s my goal in life.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger satyavati said...

(waving hand) I wanna be one of your minions...

2:17 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I think the whole "secret lair" thing goes all the way back to play inside cardboard boxes and using them for "forts".

During my last marriage, my secret lair was the basement. Well organized tools hung on a pegboard over a homemade work bench. Another homemade mobile workbench on locking caster wheels equipped with vice clamps, a drill press, dual grinder. And most importantly, the basement had full cable.

The Super Secret Top Priority Project that I worked on the most was having a quiet place where I could have a sip of whiskey, watch a little porn, smoke $10 cigars and avoid her nagging ass.

Worked too. I ignored her long enough and she finally went away. Project complete!

2:18 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Brain Bomb said...

God, that sounds good. I could soooo use an evil lair. Happy New Year!

5:04 PM  

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