such drama

I’m forty-fuckin-five years old and I need to get over certain fears that I have so I can get on with my life and became a productive member of society. Because it’s the same old shit wherever I go, the park, the bar, my bathroom, into a crowd of people or here on the Job, or even when I’m in the shower washing my stinkin ass.

“What do I do if the Zombies come”?

It’s like this all-consuming crazy shit that I can’t get out of my head. I can walk outside here at work to equalize my lungs and as I’m lighting up I’m thinking about where would I go if I looked up and saw the Zombie hoard shuffling toward me. Oh, and don’t muthafuckers get me started about the bus, cause all the time I find myself staring up at the escape hatch in the roof thinking. “Man! My fat ass would never fit thru that muthafucker! Shit”! Now if I’m at the bar and the fuckin Zombies come I got some plans worked out, but I can’t tell you cause Zombies might be reading my shit. Hey, a muthafucker never knows about things like that. Just because they got the bad rotting skin and arms and ass falling off all over the place, don’t mean they can’t read. I was sleeping last week and got in a situation where I actually forced myself awake because I started dreaming about the decayed bastards. Or I hope I was dreaming because this time they were in my bedroom all buckassed nekked. “And no, I don’t care to know why the fucking Zombies were all buckassed nekked and shit”. Fuck, I was scared to go back to sleep. When I told Michelle about it the next day she asked me if I was to run into a female Zombie with big tits would that make a difference? Have you lost your goddamned mind? It won’t make a bit of difference, it’ll just be me getting my brain ate out by the chick Zombie with the big tit. Cause you know that with all the shuffling they do the other tit fell off. Plus I don’t think eating Zombie pussy is an option I need to be exploring. This weekend we were watching TV when “28 Days” came on. Now with me also being a pussie when it comes to scary movies I had to ask Michelle about this one. Her exact words were, “it’s not too bad, it’s more about him waking up alone then anything else”. Hmmmm. Then I asked her were there Zombies in it. She told me not exactly. “What do you mean by not exactly”? “They have some sort of virus and don’t eat brains”? Hmmmm. Anyway we watched a few minutes of it until this crazy freakish hoard of muthafuckers came screaming in. Dammit, not only were they Zombies but they were these oozy drippy bitty nasty pieces of shit. Turn the channel, turn the channel!

"and the monkey flipped the switch"