small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>happy Valentine's Day!</strong>

Monday, February 14

happy Valentine's Day!


so, this horse walks into a bar......wait I forgot...wanna see my tits?

Here’s a few jokes for that awkward moment of silence after you confess your undying love to your date at dinner tonight and they’re going “what the fuck”?
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap
shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

14. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad , or maybe my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

15. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but
I couldn't find any.

16. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50. that he
couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.
He said, "no, the steaks are too high."

17. I went to a seafood disco rave last week ... and pulled a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

19. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?"
asks the doc. "It's... um...well... I have five penises," replies the
man. Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."

20. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

dont ever do that again........ever.......ever ever ever........

the sister

4:17 PM  
Blogger Mister Whiskers said...

Those were the funniest jokes I have ever heard. I am going to print them out and learn them all by heart, so I will be the KING of the pub next weekend.

Glad to see that Blogger comments have got with the Noughties...

5:24 PM  
Blogger Monkey said...

Hilarious stuff!!! Bravo!!! :-)

Thank you!

10:21 PM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

That fish joke is the funniest thing I have ever seen!

7:37 AM  

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