small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: you break it you buy it???

Wednesday, February 1

you break it you buy it???

I don’t have a lot to say today, except that I really feel the need to go away for a long time. Maybe a nice beach with waves breaking upon the shore or better yet on the porch of an old weathered beach house drinking coffee whilst watching the waves break upon the shore. Or still better yet sitting or the porch of some old weathered beach house sipping on a Beam & Coke whilst watching the breaking waves only to be nicely distracted by the sight of multiple women jiggle as they walk up the beach in their overly small bathing suits.

Yeah, that might be nice cause to say the least I’m one stressed out muthafucker. But then again I look around and what do I see? The dumb are even dumber; we still got the same asshole(s) in office, and good people are still getting fucked over. So what do I have to complain about, not a goddamn thing? Cause no matter what I say I love my job, my mother loves me and my friends at least tell me they do. So in all reality I’m doing ok. Plus isn’t stress just one more reason to rub one out, not like I actually need a reason but it’s good to know that masturbation serves a purpose other then the assumed.

Hell, I could be the poor son of a bitch who strolled into a museum the other day only to trip over his fuckin untied shoelaces and fall into a display of Qing dynasty vases breaking three of em. I mean c’mon, it was bad enough as a kid breaking your mother’s good china, but to break three vases from the 17th century Qing dynasty? How in the fuck do you oops you way out of that? This really happened at a British museum the other day when some muthafucker tripped over his shoelaces into a stairwell, which he then proceeded to stumble down until he fell into a bunch of Qing dynasty vases which were on display on this window sill.

There were proper British muthafuckers all over the place losing their cool saying; “what the fuck, what did you do, what did you do, you non-walking, no shoe tying cocksucker”. Think of the stress that cat must be going thru? And it doesn’t matter that the museum is putting up the front that they’re just happy the cat wasn’t hurt cause you know someone’s got that muthafucker on ice in a dark closet till they can figure out what to do to em. This is a quote from the museum director, "It was a most unfortunate and regrettable accident, but we are glad that the visitor involved was able to leave the museum unharmed."

Yeah my unfortunate ass, the museum also decided they’re not telling anyone how much the vases were worth. But according to my many inside sources, who did a little digging, just the other day some Chinese businesswoman paid a record high price of $5.32 million to buy a peach-patterned vase made in the Yongzheng period (1723-1735), thus setting a new auction record for porcelain from the Qing Dynasty (1644-1911). So you do the math.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Most of the time the ones on display are copies, espeacially if they are sitting on a window sill.

The non-copies are usually under glass and cannot be moved by anything less than a bulldozer.

10:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man do I ever know what you mean by the same asshole(s) still in office.

I don't think Schumer, Clinton, Kerry, Boxer, Biden, Harkin will ever leave. No matter how many presidental races they lose. At least Sen. Dole had the good graces to resign when he campaigned for the office.

Now Teddy Kennedy DID almost die in office the other day, when on the floor of the senate he forgot that Stoli and gasbaggery can combine for near fatal results. Boy, I thought his head was going to explode. Beautiful.

1:43 PM  
Blogger Bella said...

I agree with Blue. That would be stupidity on the Museums part as well to place valuable vases like that out in the unprotected open. that's why they didn't reveal a price on it. They were worth nothing because they were replicas.

3:48 PM  

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