small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: advice for Tom and Kathy's new baby

Friday, April 28

advice for Tom and Kathy's new baby

* Wash it before you use it.

* If it's free, something must be wrong with it.

* If you can talk your way into it without paying for it, then do it.

* If it's called a cat or kitty please don't fuck with its tail.

* When your uncle tells you to call your mama a Ho. You better think
it over. Your uncle can go home; your young stupid ass is already there.

* Don't be pulling nobodies finger.

* Just because it smells funny, don't make it bad for you.

* Everything you see don't belong in your fuckin mouth.

* Don't be trying to shove shit in your ass. That's not what the holes for.

* Wait till you're older before you experiment.

* Being gay is ok; just don't tell burnt out Uncle Pete who lost both
his feet in the last war. (Whatever war that may be.) Oh, and don’t ever let Uncle Pete hear you bitchin about walking to school. You’ll never hear the end of that one.

* Don't be trying to hump family members. Just because the dog does don’t make it right. The same goes for trying to lick your own balls.

* The same goes for the dog.

* Don't be a dumbass.

* Learn to read.

* If it says hot, looks hot, smells hot. Then dumbass, it's more then
likely hot.

* When in doubt, what would Shaft and John Wayne do?

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


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