small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: hot dog envy

Monday, May 22

hot dog envy

Any of you remember back to when we were all young and just discovering our bodies and shit for the first time? And you experienced masturbation for the very first time and after that you had to find all the ways to do it? Some of us were like masturbatory monkeys we hit it so hard. I can remember back in the day if I stayed in the bathroom too long my father would holler at me to unass the fuckin bathroom and stop playing with myself.

When I was a kid the hot things to masturbate too were my father’s old Playboy’s or Benny Hill on the TV or even Monty Python. But you had to be cool so that your mother wouldn’t catch you. But even though you thought they didn’t know, they knew that you were a jacking off little fool. Mother’s were always complaining; “but honey, can’t we make him stop, maybe more church would help”. But the old man would always tell her to shut the fuck up, that boys will be boys and shit. Except when it was little sis shoving things up her kooch then the tables would be turned.

You’d be hanging out on the porch with some of your buddies from the neighborhood when John John’s little sister would come out on the porch buck assed nekked with a hotdog hanging out of her pussy sayin; “look I got a pee pee too!” And inside the house you could hear her mother screaming “oh my God, get that child back in the house!” While on the porch we were rolling and laughing till we shit ourselves.

Silly shit like that was always going on, like the time I got hit in the nuts for the very first time. All I knew after that was that someone else had to experience the same pain I did. So after calling my best friend over I and walked up and slapped em in the balls. After that, seeing someone get hit in the sac was the funniest thing ever, until it happened to you again.

Then there was always an older kid on the block who’d had his cherry busted at an early age or so he said. And he would always hold court testifying on how much pussy he’d just gotten since yesterday. If we to believe half what he said, girls would just fold up and throw the pussy at em like rice at a wedding. Then there was the local slut who lived on the block. She was usually good for getting a tittie shot when she got bored. Was there such a thing as a hot looking neighborhood slut back in those days, or were they all mule ass ugly like ours was?

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

They were all uglier than a hat full of assholes.

Amazing how little that seemed to matter when you were young and looking at a real, live titty.

Come to think of it, I guess it don't matter all that much now.

I mean, titties is titties.

6:24 PM  

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