small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: you all can come and visit!

Tuesday, June 13

you all can come and visit!

So I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s imperative that I find a way to become self sufficient and once I’m able to do so I will stop working and move to a house in the country maybe thirty minutes or so from town. Once there I will build a house on ten acres of land adjacent to a large hill. The hill will afford me coverage from the north winds and act as a barrier for tornados and such.

And the house will be built into the hill which will afford me coverage from the rear and a clear line of fire in front. Also that way when the stinkin hoards come they won’t be able to burn me out. I will require the land to have at the minimum, one pond of average size. And lastly I want a cow. Not sure what kind of cow but it has to be a chick cow, maybe one of those spotted ones.

As is my habit in naming pets I will call her Cow and she will be a free roaming cow, or at least as free roaming as the ten acres will allow her. And with the house built into the front of the hill she’ll actually be able to hang out on the roof of the house next to the deck if she wants. Cow will wear a brass bell so that I can be aware at all times of her whereabouts. And at night when I put out her bowl of Purina Cow Chow the bell will make a welcome and pleasant sound as Cow comes ambling to the back door to feed.

Being out in the country on my ten acres will allow me great freedoms such as walking nekked thru the fields and woods with cow by my side. I will encourage all my friends that when they visit to shed their clothing and walk nekked with Cow also. As I feel that such an act can be very therapeutic and soothing to the nerves. At night I will sit in my hot tub on my deck on the house built into the hill whilst I watch Cow frolic in her pond across the way. Yeah, I need to make this happen.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous Justin (ZEROPOINTE) said...

just... wow...

damn Greg.. good luck with that..

11:57 AM  
Blogger Rusty said...

Lety that cow really roam free and that'll cut down on the lawn mowing you gotta do. Just looking out for you, man.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Best plan I have heard in a long while.

1:06 PM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

I have done this plan and yes it is thereputic, but watch out for naked feet in COw's piles. It squishes nicely but it does take a bit of getting used to. Aslo use bug repellent, because the pond will attrack mosquitios and other sort of stinging bugs and I would hate to see the coal sausage get all red and itchy.

But I think you could go for more therapy further out.. more land, less hasseles, and more cows...just a thouht...
But I am all for it and if my girl wasn't tied to family so tight I would have made her move already.

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Spitting Llama said...

Where's the backdoor going to be?

2:18 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

What, have you been reading survivalist websites again?

I have a book called 'Underground Houses'. You can have it if you want it.

A few humble suggestions: you need to devote at LEAST 2 acres to production if you're going to eat more than cheese and yogurt. List out the basic things you like to eat that are preservable and then get a book and figure out what you can grow all year long. Get a beehive so you can have honey. Ducks and geese make good watchdogs and eat up bugs and things in the garden. And go round behind Cow and gather up all the manure she lovingly gives you so you have good compost for your garden.

The pond will be a big problem with the mosquitoes. The ducks and geese might help with that but bats are better, so build bathouses. You can use barley straw to keep the water clean.

Install solar panels on the exposed roof surfaces of your house and make sure you have top notch drainage.

And you're welcome to come live here a while to get acquainted with the more basic aspects of it all. The walking about naked part you definitely want to keep for cooler times, though, because the ticks around here are aggressive as hell once it gets warm.


6:30 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Dang, a couple of ya'll gotta get picky with his dream. I'll join ya nekkid and wander the back 10 with Cow!!

6:40 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I so can't wait for this to happen so we can hang out naked on the front porch.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Death said...

hell, we can hang out nekked now.

1:22 PM  

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