small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: America eats its young

Thursday, June 28

America eats its young

Even though I used to be one, I just don’t understand teenagers and some of their actions these days.

I’m just saying that when I was a teenager I did some really stupid shit. But all that was tempered by having a father who was a cop and believed in beating me like I stole money from him when I fucked up.

It’s like that one day where I found myself standing scant inches from my old man as he was reading me the riot act over something and I found myself having somewhat of an epiphany. See the thought flashed through my head that I could take my old man.

Mind you I said the thought flashed through my head, I never showed it or said anything to indicate I was thinking it. Stupid I might have been but crazy I wasn’t.

But with my father being a cop, he must’a read it in my eyes or some such shit. And the epiphany happened when I realized that I knew that he knew what the fuck I was thinking and that the next few seconds of my young life were about to become very painful.

Yeah, trust me when I say that picking my own pubic hairs out of my teeth after getting my nuts kicked up into my throat quickly stopped any thoughts I entertained of taking my father on.

Which kind’a brings me in a roundabout way to these teenagers up in Colorado who got themselves killed the other day while at this party being held in this old reservoir out in the sticks.

Nearby were a bunch of old oil tanks and according to my many inside sources, a couple of the kids got drunk and decided they wanted to party on top of one of the tanks. Unfortunately the tank they picked to party on still had over a hundred barrels of crude oil left in it.

So between the teenagers smoking on top of it and jumping up and down like crazed weevils, the oil tank just blew the fuck up. See, the tanks have a release valve built into the top of em to release vapors so as to keep the pressure in the tanks from building.

And that’s not something you really want to be around smoking cigarettes and shit because it might you know, blow the fuck up. The two teenagers were blown over four hundred feet away along with a dog. How the fuckin dog climbed up there is still being investigated.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Happy In Bag said...

It may have backfired by the time I was of age, but I know that the very real threat of paternal-inflicted pain was a factor in every decision I made as a kid.

11:04 AM  
Blogger Bryan. said...

Oh I hear ya...sweet baby jesus I was afraid of the fucking belt.

12:19 AM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

Man I made that exact same mistake when I was 12. My dad is a tiny little guy...5'6 if he stretches 160 lbs if he is wet, I was that size when I was 12. Naturally I thought this meant I was a bad muthafucker.

I can still remember the pain in my jaw when he knocked me off my feet with that ghost know the one you never see coming.

To this day even though he is 76, he still scares my ass!

7:23 AM  
Blogger PGP said...

A parent who is willing to scare the crap out of his kid is a parent who really loves that kid.

BTW - Blowing oneself to hell UP like those knobs did was a case of Darwin at work! Too bad they had to take the dog with them ..... but I guess the dog should have been smart enough to know that these two tools should be avoided!

8:00 PM  

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