give the dog a bone(er)

I notice that PETA {People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals} has taken a personal interest in the case of a suburban Chicago man charged with one count of unlawfully having sex with a dog.

Now this seems odd in it’s self since here in the states I don’t think there’s a legal way to have sex with a dog? Feel free to speak up if you know something I don’t.

Oops, I’m sorry, according to my many inside sources that would be two counts of unlawfully fucking a dog, plus one count of property damage.

It seems that someone wanted Lassie so bad they tore down the fence to get to the dog, which meant that he had to fuck it twice as hard. Speaking of which, who tears down a fence to get to a dog these days? Someone’s reaching I think?

Anyway, getting back to PETA, it seems to me that instead of fuckin with people who wear fur or enjoy a steak every now and then, this is the kind of shit that organizations like PETA should be dealing with.

Anyway PETA is urging the county prosecutors office to as they put it, “vigorously prosecute” the man.

PETA swears they’re not trying to influence shit, but just want to let people know that PETA’s taken a keen interest in the case and that they’re glad that the county that the alleged double dog fucking happened in has it’s own “Animal Crime Task Force” set up to prosecute abuse and cruelty cases dealing with animals.

Even though there is some small concern dealing with the fact of how fucked up is shit that you need your own specific “Animal Crime Task Force” specially created for crimes of that nature.

Cause like how many dog fuckin, kitty diddling, horse raping, ole Bossy fisting, ole Sparky ass slapping muthafucker’s can they be in one county?

Damn! That’s just some fucked up statistics when you think of it.

It’s like over in Sweden and shit. The abuse of animals over there is so rampant that I think it’s something like eight out’a every twenty cats and dogs suffer from some form of sexual abuse.

Do you know what that means? That means if you’re in Sweden just walking along minding your own business and see twenty dogs and cats along the way, almost half of em have had personal issues with humans.

Ow, sorry, I meant wow.

It seems to me that after PETA opens a branch in suburban Chicago, they need to haul their overzealous asses over to Sweden and take care of business.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"