small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: bull shit

Monday, July 9

bull shit

I understand the thrill of doing shit just for the rush.

Part of it is simple human nature; part of it is just because it’s there and part of it stems from having something to prove. I understand it, dig it, whatever.

But when it comes to shit like the annual running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, it’s like that old saying. “You fuck with the bull, you get the horns”.

Let’s start with the most defining feature of the run, the fuckin bulls. The bulls average fifteen-hundred pounds apiece which I don’t know where you’re from, but around here that’s called bigger then shit. Then there’s these little things called horns sitting on top of the bigger then shit bulls.

Combine the two together along with a bad temper and the ability to run fast and you got something with the size and build of a large boulder wanting to kick your ass.

According to my many inside sources, they’re called Miura Bulls and are specially bred for fighting which is just fucked up in it’s self. Isn’t that like breeding a lion or grizzly to be extra bitey?

So this years run left over half a dozen people crushed the fuck up and at least two got gored. And my votes still out on which worse, getting stomped on by a fifteen-hundred bull or getting stabbed by the horns.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Spyder said...

Someone has to have a bad case of testosterone poisoning to do that shit. That's just crazy!

3:41 PM  
Blogger HateTaxes said...

I always cheer for the bulls.

4:45 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

Pamplona is just like a big Darwinian Black Hole. Suck all them stupid motherfuckers into it. Get 'em outta the gene pool! It's a shame any of them survive.

I think they should post the profiles of the runners so we can all bet on whether or not they make it. "I've got $100 on #23 to get gored!"

6:37 PM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

I have to tell you since the last couple of years those bulls have gotten bigger! I remember watching the running of the stupid a few years back and thinking ...I could take those little bastards! But this year...that was some beef on the hoof there! I'm sorry to say I would have my hands full trying top take down one of those mother fuckers.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Mark said...

Bulls schmulls. I'm starting a new tradition for Kansas City. The running of the hedge hogs! Oh yeah, I'll do it. I know what you're thinking. "No Mark! Bulls are one thing, but hedge hogs?!" I'm that kind of crazy. I have no fear. We can do it through the center of the Power & Light District.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Miss Ann Thrope said...

I was there in '85. We watched from a balcony. The building shook.

Those people are in-fucking-sane. Darwin at his finest. Seriously.

But I still want to know why men seem to want to kill themselves so much.

11:38 AM  
Blogger PGP said...

Congratulations! It's not very often you get to use the literal "Bull Shit"!

7:37 PM  
Anonymous smedrock said...

Miss Ann, that is because Mom took away the pointy sticks and fire. Plus it is a bit more exciting than say, scrap booking in my humble opinion.

7:42 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

I'm with Hatetaxes, I root for the bulls.
And, Xavier, you're a sick fuck for wanting to bet on who gets gored and I'm pissed at you for beating me to the punch on that one.

11:15 PM  

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