Happy Thanksgiving!

The when you know you’ve done it all quote of the week.

“If you roasted a turkey and mashed potatoes, put it in a blender, left it out for three days and then poured it into a bottle, you’d know exactly what this drink tastes like!”

This is an oh so accurate description of the new Turkey & Gravy soda that came out for the holidays. And just to prove that muthafucker’s will swill down anything, the company that’s putting this shit out sold over 6000 bottles in just two hours online. Goddamn, I can’t even imagine putting this shit to my lips.

And according to those that know this kind of shit, some time ago a doctor was working on a woman with severe back pains when he noticed some trick shit. He was using a spinal cord stimulator on the chicks back when he noticed that whenever he hit the switches, she started with all the moaning and shit. The bulb above his head flipped on and he got busy, so now he’s developed an honest to god Orgasmetron and he’s lookin for female test subjects and FDA approval. I guess the way the muthafucker would work is that small electrodes would be implanted under a woman’s skin near the proper points along the spine along with a small black box that would be implanted elsewhere. Then when it’s Hammer time, she’d flip the switch and start sounding like a porn star and shit. Sounds very cool doesn’t it? But really, don’t you think a muthafucker with a couple of D-cells and some alligator clips could maybe work the same affect. Maybe the next time Michelle falls asleep on the couch I might have to try it out. Either I’ll have a very pleasantly surprised friend on my hands, or one uber pissed off woman and a couple of D-cells shoved up my ass. Hmmm, maybe not a good idea after all.

And to finish shit off on a Thanksgiving note, I just got back from the big Thanksgiving dinner with my family. We all gathered together at the home of one of my aunts this year. My mother, two of her sister’s, my sister, along with assorted cousins and friends were there this year. After dinner all the women were hanging out in the dining room shooting the shit as they tend to do. As I’m sitting there listening in, I was treated to the sight and sounds of a horde of Black women talkin it up. In the span of less then a half hour I heard their opinion on Micheal Jackson, plus Kobe Bryant amongst other things. The visual of the day was watching as my two aunts discussed the finer points of the case. “How’s a muthafucker supposed to fuck a woman from the rear when he’s supposed to have both hands around her neck? One of you ignorant bitches tell me that”! Oh, and can I say the sight of a 220 pound, sixty something black woman demonstrating what position Kobe had to be in when he fucked the chick, whilst screaming her opinion out at a volume that would make a dog howl just put me off fucking anybody for a long time? I’m just sayin is all.