computer blues

Can fuckin “Deadwood” on HBO get any fuckin better? It ain’t “Buffy” but goddammit it’s the best show on TV there is right now. And on a festive note I want to say congrats to my brother Clifford who’s living la vida loco up in the DC area. He popped the question to his girlfriend the other night and she said yes. So to Clifford, I’m glad you’re making Margaret an honest woman. And Margaret, besides being continually amazed and slightly freaked out that you actually seem to like smacking uglies with my brother, I’m happy that you’re making him an honest man. But seriously, I’ve always been proud of the both of you and all shittin aside, you two are gonna have a great life as husband and wife.

Saturday morning found me up early and dressed waiting for my local Office Depot to open. At nine o’clock when the doors unlocked I bumrushed the entrance and after grabbing a basket headed over to the hard drives. They were having a sale on 80gig hard drives so I snatched one up along with a few other things then headed on back home. After fixing myself a large breakfast for extra stamina and strength and shit, I cleared a space on my desk and proceeded to completely dismantle my computer. Some of you older readers might remember that a couple of years ago with the help of my old roommate Cassie, I built myself a high performance computer from the ground up. Well shit had come to the point where I was feeling the need to do some upgrades and the first on the list was adding a second larger hard drive and brand new operating system.

So that’s what I did all fuckin day Saturday. After giving the computer a good cleaning I installed the new drive and put everything back together. And may I add that putting hands my size into the innards of a computer is akin to me trying to fist a rat in the ass. Not the simplest thing to do. Anyway the hard drive came with software but for some reason I couldn’t get shit to load. And everybody that I knew that knew some shit were either out of town or otherwise occupied, so I was entirely on my own as far as working shit out. Yes, boy and girls, it was time for me to knuckle down and be a man and soil the bathtub of knowledge. So after a smoke and knockin back a Dr. Pepper I went to the big blue screen of death, the computer bios screen. Once there I actually figured out that I needed to switch my boot-up order and make shit boot up from the CD drive instead of the hard drive.

It goes without sayin that during all this I’m sitting in front of the computer smoking like a street corner whore and imbibing one Dr. Pepper after another. I got the radio off, the TV off, and my fuckin eyeballs were starting to dry out because I completely stopped blinking. Michelle called me to see how things were going and I informed her that my brain was starting to leak from my ears and that if I fell into a comatose state not to pull my feeding tube. But after switching the boot-up order I was able to start downloading software and sometime that afternoon I was able to take a deep breath cause shit seemed to be working like it should. All that awaited me was the arduous task of transferring files from my now secondary drive to the new one. I should add that I went out later that evening and had my share of cocktails, along with your share and the cat down the street gave up his share too.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"