small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: bad & nation wide

Thursday, August 11

bad & nation wide

I watched the 70s comedy the “Van” a few weeks ago. It featured a lot of obscure people including a thin pre-Taxi Danny DeVito. The gist of the movie was about this kid who brought a customized van and used it as a rolling shag shack on wheels. The thing about the film that really impressed me was that it celebrated the van culture that was such a huge phenomenon in the late seventy’s and early eighty’s.

That shit was huge back in the day. Just like the movie we watched, cats would buy these big vans, new or used and customize em out the ass. It wasn’t anything for a muthafucker to take a van and fit it with a waterbed or couches and put every amenity he had at home in his van. Back in the day I personally saw vans with beds, mirrored ceilings, and floor lamps along with huge quadraphonic stereos plus CB radios. And let’s not forget the shag carpets.

If your van wasn’t covered wall to wall with deep pile shag carpet and you didn’t have it on the dash and the inside of the doors you just weren’t big pimpin. Ten miles to the gallon, stylin and profilin in my customized tittie pink super extended 75 Ford Econoline van as I leave the car wash and make that turn onto Main. Take a deep toke off the joint and pop in a tape and start grooving as Tower Of Power starts pumping out the Oakland Stroke.

Since it’s just as important to be heard as be seen, I hit the switch and drop the windows and reach up and slide the Moon Roof back. Speed limits thirty-five but keep it ten miles on the low side cause I'm diggin the way the duel Cherry Bombs sound. All the ho’s up and down Main can hear me coming but I just cleaned the shag in the back and want to keep it that way for a while. Up ahead I see one of my partners waiting on the curb so I pull over to let em in. He reaches into the shag-covered mini-fridge behind him and pulls out a Miller to go with that joint he just fired up. So far ain’t a word been said till he hollers at this ho stepping up to the door.
“Damn baby! Where you think you going and shit! Better put that big ass back on the fuckin curb! We ain’t got time for no charity.” “Crazy bitches be wan’in to ride in your shit! Damn!”
I just grin as I pull out my pick and pop my fro a couple of times. That’s just the way shit went back in the day.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I knew someone that had a lime green van with light green shag carpet and orange pin striping on the side.

You could see and hear him coming from very far.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Grampapinhead said...

I remember those Vans.
Don't know where they went...
I think maybe they have been replaced with a motel 6 discount card and a bumper stecker that says "I live in my mom's basement".

11:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tal Death You one funny down to earth Mofo

1:52 PM  

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