blast from the past.....fat cat fetish

I'm down there somewhere..oh there I am in the corner


Yesterday I had to go over to my mother’s house to help her move some furniture around. I got there before she made it home from church and when I let myself in my sister’s two cats greeted me at the front door. Goddamn they’re some big hairball-puking fuckers, they look like something fuckin Tarzan ought‘a be fightin and shit in the fuckin jungle. My sister was out of town and so my mother was baby-sitting the big bastards while she was gone. Jesus, I thought my cat was big but damn.

Anyway I’m sitting in my mother’s house looking around whilst keeping a wary eye on the two wildebeests tromping back and forth and I got to staring at her latest hobby. She’s learned how to sign, taken computer classes and now she’s painting her bedroom. But her constant hobby is making pottery figures and I must say she’s not half-assed bad. She has this huge tackle box full of paints and brushes and after firing the figures in the kiln she brings em home and paints em. She’s even given me a few, though when your mom makes you an incense holder with a nekked chick on it, you just take the muthafucker and back away slowly. But I dig it and it matches my décor.

Anyway I’m looking around at all the figures when it hits me. This is my mother’s fetish. This is what gets her off. Some people dress up in drag; some beat each other with whips and some tape the neighbors’ stinkfingering their pets. But my mother’s fetish is making these cheerful little clay figures and sticking them all over the house. Is there a name for that? Potteryphile maybe?

After I got home I watched a couple of DVD’s I rented. The first one was the “Sum of all Fears” by Tom Clancy. I’d read the book some months earlier and it really peaked my interest and all that. I’m not usually a fan of intrigue and mystery and shit but Tom writes the shit in such a way that when you’re done reading you’re glad to be alive and shit. (did I actually use the word “shit” three times in one sentence?) I was hyped to see the movie so I made some tuna salad sandwiches and got all comfy and shit in front of the TV.

I’m not a huge fan of Affleck but Morgan Freeman is one of the baddest muthafucker’s in the house, so that made it better. One of the opening scenes in the movie cracked me up to some degree. They showed a satellite image of this mountain top compound and I said to myself, “fuck, I know that place”. It was fuckin Mt. Weather in fuckin West Virginia. Hell, I’ve been there bunches of times for training and all that. After all, Mt. Weather is one of the MAN’s facilities, and it’s all that and a bag of chips if you get my drift so that was kind’a cool to see.

I enjoyed the movie except for the issue in that for most of the movie they made the Jack Ryan character into this vapid fem little pussie who couldn’t clean his own ass without help. He’s running around trying to assert himself and everybody and their mother is telling him to fuck off. If it wasn’t for the fact that they made a big issue of showing Ryan rippin off a piece of ass early in the film they could’a called it the gayest sum of all fears. But all in all it was ok.

After that I watched the much-hyped “Spiderman”. I’m what you would call a casual comic book fan at best. When I was younger I read all the greats and tried to keep up with current trends but I’m in no way a fanboy or anything like that. But I am a fan of a good action story and well-drawn and scripted character’s. And of course having the fuckin thing directed by Sam Raimi rocked. After all this is the man who put out the Army of Darkness amongst others and produced the Hercules and Xena television series.

But let’s see, how did the characters stand on their own? Toby Maguire made for a believable Peter Parker/Spiderman but I didn’t like the way he treated Aunt May and his uncle. Until Spiderman I’d never heard of the muthafucker. Willem Defoe as the Green Goblin was a great choice. Defoe’s such a crazy fuck in the first place and he really is a case study of dual personalities going apeshit. Kirsten Dunst has a nice rack and pulls off the dirty little waitress uniform like a muthafucker. And she looks great wet. So I enjoyed the movie and most likely will see it again.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"