small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Thursday, January 5

sweatin the small stuff




From the “I’ll show those muthafuckers” department………….

comes a story of a South Korean man who in some sort of crazed hissy-fit set himself of fire Wednesday in a courtroom after he was sentenced to a $300 fine for disturbing the peace. The man is in the hospital in critical condition after suffering third-degree burns all over his body. According to my many inside sources, this crazy muthafucker was in this courtroom in Uijongbu which is this town just north of Seoul, which used to be the home of a major United Nations base during the Korean War, but since has become famous for its red pepper infused dog meat soup.

Yeah boy, anyway the cat had just been told that he had to go a fine he received last year for causing a big ass fuss at a cell phone store where he got pissed and started high karateing shit after he was told he couldn’t switch numbers. So to show muthafuckers that he was the boss and applesauce and all that, he walked out of the courtroom after being informed that he had to pay the fine or else, doused himself with heating oil, came back to the courtroom and set his dog eating ass on fire. According to my many inside sources the man’s last words were “wait, this ain’t right, I was supposed to burn the room………not me…….ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, hot stuff coming thru!!”











Now from the “oh my god, you’re too stupid to live” department……….

comes a story of an artist of the rare breed, an artist who immerses himself so far into his art as to become one with the art. The artist who goes by the name of Trevor has often sketched images inside abandoned mines in the southwest desert of California.

But Tuesday while camping in an abandoned mine shaft about five miles north of Baker, California Trevor tightly wrapped and locked a long, thick chain around his bare ankles then proceeded to sketch what it looked like.

Now according to my many inside sources the deal went down like this, after a drawing for an hour or so ole Trevor decided he needed to stretch his legs a bit. Only then did he realize he had lost the key to the restraints around his legs and without the key couldn’t undo the chain. So Trevor did the only thing he could do in such a fucked up situation, he made it to his feet and started hopping for his life. That muthafucker hopped thru the fuckin desert for over twelve hours till he made it to a gas station where he was able to call for help.

When asked by the paramedics and deputies who showed up with bolt cutters why he hopped for so long, he explained that it took him twelve hours because he had to hop over boulders, sand and shit. I should also add that Trevor did have the drawing with him and it was a pretty good depiction of how a chain would look wrapped around your legs.






And lastly from the “You better you better you bet” department………..

comes guitarist Pete Townshend who being deaf as a muthafucker is warning iPod users that they could end up with hearing problems as bad as his own if they don't turn down the volume of the music they are listening to on earphones.

Peter Townshend, guitarist in the 60s band “The Who”, said his hearing was fucked up from years of using studio headphones and that he now is forced to take hours long breaks between recording sessions to allow his ears to recover. And I quote Peter Townshend,
"I HAVE UNWITTINGLY HELPED TO INVENT AND REFINE A TYPE OF MUSIC THAT MAKES ITS LISTENERS DEAF. HEARING LOSS IS A TERRIBLE THING BECAUSE IT CANNOT BE REPAIRED. IF YOU OR YOU CHILD USES AN IPOD OR ANYTHING LIKE IT, YOU MAY BE OK BUT I REALLY FUCKIN DOUBT IT AND MY INTUITION TELLS ME THERE IS TERRIBLE TROUBLE AHEAD”
The Who rock group was famous for its earsplitting live performances, but Townshend said his problem was caused by using earphones in the recording studio which ended up fuckin his shit up.



"and the monkey flipped the switch"

2 Comments:

Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Tougher Mother fucking man who hops for twelve hours with his feet chained.

Sure, playing with the Who wasn't what cause hearing loss, it had to be the ear phones. He probably still believes in Santa Claus

4:39 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

I know this is unrelated but... who are the wrestlers in the picture up top? I keep thinking that's Rick Flair.

9:46 AM  

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