pussy

Pussy’s one of the most powerful things in the world. Empires have crumbled over it, and men have died fighting over it. In the animal kingdom, if it has a Pussy it’s considered the dominant species. If it weren’t for Pussy, cars would have never been invented. Why would you want to get there faster if Pussy wasn’t on the other end? Pussy’s one of the oldest forms of commerce in the known world. Why I bet that back in the Stone Age a cat could trade Pussy for a sharp stick or two.

It’s always been a well known fact that as long as there’s Pussy around the house you’ll never go hungry. Pussy’s a part of the American landscape. In school, kids learn about the Pussy willow, then they go home and play with their Pussycats. If one was to rent the classic movie “Dusk to Dawn”, one would hear a very heartfelt description of every kind of Pussy out there.

“Pussy, pussy, pussy! All pussy must go. At the Titty Twister we're slashing pussy in half! This is a pussy blow out! Make us an offer on our vast selection of pussy! We got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy, hot pussy, cold pussy, wet pussy, tight pussy, big pussy, bloody pussy, fat pussy, hairy pussy, smelly pussy, velvet pussy, silk pussy, Naugahyde pussy, snappin' pussy, horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy, fake pussy! If we don't have it, you don't want it!”

The nation’s economy has to deal with Pussy. Do you know that the price of street market Pussy hasn’t changed but ten to twenty percent over the last hundred years? Or so I’ve been told, cough, cough. Music wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the Pussy. We wouldn’t need the Blues if there weren’t no Pussy. Shakespeare made Pussy famous and Clinton made it notorious.

There’s old school Pussy, new age Pussy, yoga Pussy, tattooed and pierced Pussy. You sit on your couch watching prime time TV, and the politicians bitch and moan about the quality of television and how damaging it is for our youth and culture. Then they’re interrupted for sixty seconds by a commercial featuring a famous and well respected actress touting the qualities of a new cream that stops the Pussy from itching.

Women use the Pussy to keep men in check. When we make love to em they moan and cry out as to how well we’re hitting that Pussy. “Yeah daddy, nobody hits it like you do”! So our chest’s puff out and we tell each other how we tore that Pussy up. “We’re bad, who’s your daddy”! But in reality if women could read a book without hurting our feelings or clip the toenails, they would. We can’t hurt that Pussy, because that Pussy has power unimagined.

Watching an all girl porn movie made me think on this. The women in that movie were smacking the Pussy. They were setting the Pussy on fire and beating on the Pussy with tire irons. They were sticking things into the Pussy that I wouldn’t put in the back of my truck. And all the while they were giggling and grinning and lining up for more. The Pussy was intimidating. Then just when you think the Pussy has calmed down and you just might have a chance at a decent night’s sleep. A nine pound baby comes popping out of the Pussy. Tiny women asking me what I thought of the Pussy made me write this ode to the Pussy.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"