Sir, I’m so withdrawing my contribution

I’ve been following with great interest the “accidental” shooting of Harry Whittington this weekend. Harry’s the seventy-eight Republican contributor who whilst out hunting quail with Dick Cheney in Texas got his old ass shot, Yeah and by whom you ask, by ole heart attack himself, vice president Dick Cheney. I guess from what I hear, Harry had just shot himself a quail and had fallen behind the main group whilst retrieving his kill.

And after getting his bird and shit he caught up to the main group and was coming up behind Dick Cheney who was tracking this flight of quail his damn self. When the quail flushed, Cheney whipped his shit up to shoot the quail and lo and behold who was standing in the line of fire behind old Dick with an “oh fuck” look on his face? Yup, Harry Whittington who caught himself a load of bird shot from the vice president.

So I know it was all an accident and all that but it would have been, and this all depends on who you voted for, funny as a muthafucker if after getting shot, Harry had dropped and rolled screaming “YOU STUPID COCKSUCKER!! YOU FUCKIN SHOT ME”?” and John Wayne’d his ass up to his feet shooting the VP off his fuckin feet. Then taking out the VP’s entire Secret Service detail and going on the lam.

And in those few minutes Harry has gone from a respected businessman and republican contributor to a wanted man. But since Harry’s a lifelong Texan who most people think of as a great man, a grassroots movement starts up all across the great state of Texas and Harry’s turned into a local folk hero. But the entire political power of Washington is behind the huge manhunt for Harry and the jackboots are all over the state slapping folks around to tell em where their hiding Harry.

But like in the great novel “The ayes of Texas” by Daniel Cruz, Texas gets angry and decides to secede from the union and ends up kicking the shit out of Washington and in the end Harry is a national hero and the new president of Texas which has become it’s own independent nation. Hey it could happen and that would make for a news worthy Monday.


"and the monkey flipped the switch"