small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, February 10

sweatin the small stuff

From the “hey, now that you've won the Superbowl what are you going to do” department……………

comes a story from up Wisconsin way of a muthafucker who apparently made a lot of wrong decisions in life. It seems that this chick was driving down the road minding her own business and shit when her car got broadsided. And not by another car!
According to my many inside sources, the chick was driving when up the road she spied this cat walking on the side of the road all buck assed nekked and shit.

And wither it was the color of the car or he thought blonds might be more fun, he did the bums rush at her car hitting it so hard the fuckin car sustained body damage along with a broken windshield. Now behind her was this other chick driving her car who saw the whole thing. Now this chick recognized the cat from around town and as she was slowing down to see if anyone was hurt the crazy muthafucker picked himself up off the road and after settling into a football stance rammed into her car.

Then if that didn’t beat all, after getting up and dusting his balls off the snowcone eating retard then hopped into the chicks car and started up a conversation like this was some every day shit in his world. I guess it goes without saying that the cops were called and now Mr. Buckassednekked has some explaining to do to the cats in the white lab coats.

Shit, and around here we think getting hit by stinkin assed deer on the freeway is a big deal. Though if the stinkin assed deer was to get into a football stance and go “hup one, hup two”, before running into the road, that would rock like a muthafucker.

And lastly from the “future Darwin Awards winner” department………

arrives a story of another man who made a lot of sorry assed decisions in his life. Down in sunny Florida this cop was sitting in his patrol car knocking back a bag of doughnuts when this cat walked up and knocked on his window.

According to my many inside sources, the cop was in full uniform sitting inside a marked police car with the radio making cop noises and all that good shit. So with all that the cat after getting the cop’s attention asks the cop if he was straight. The cop answers yes, and the cat say, “are you sure, you know what that means right? It means you’re down with buying some coke”.

Well after looking around for the candid camera the cop assured the cat that he was indeed straight as a muthafucker. And that’s when the cat pulled out a baggie full of rock cocaine and asked for cash. The incredulous cop took the bag and after throwing the dumb bastard in the back of the car for safe keeping had the contents tested.

The tests showed positive for cocaine and the cop arrested the cat who last we heard was being held in lieu of $7,500 bail on charges of possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of marijuana with intent to distribute.

It’s like my old friend from back in the day, three fingered Sammy who always said; “never do business whilst drinking, never do your own shit, and never but never, get so fucked up that you end up trying to sell your shit to a cop in uniform.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I am so glad that I am at work when I read the "the snowcone eating retard",
because I would have hated to clean up the flippin mouthfull of gumbo that I just spewed all over the place due to my uncontrolable laughter.

That cop must have thought he was high for just a split second, maybe he thought he had fallen asleep and was dreaming.

1:03 PM  
Blogger curmudgeon said...

Of course, the only women who protest other women being exploited are women you wouldn't want to see 'exploited' anyway.

2:06 PM  

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