small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: old gray mule

Thursday, February 1

old gray mule

Back in the seventies when I was just a young snapperhead still in high school, streaking was all the rage though I hear that lately it’s trying to make a comeback. And for you baggy pants wearing kids that don’t know what’s up, streaking was the act of running buck assed nekked thru public.

During my high school years we streaked the school, we streaked football games, track and field events, through the neighborhood. We were some of the nekkedest running afro wearin muthafuckers you’d ever see. But back then it was seen as harmless fun and nobody got hurt.

Well there was that one time we had a track meet in the suburbs and as the team bus let out this white kid streaked us. Next thing he knew there had to be at least seventy-five black kids chasing his moronic ass thru the campus. Shit looked like a Tarzan movie gone horribly fucked up.

Anyway, like I said back then it was all seen as one of those harmless fads that soon faded into relative obscurity. So it had me laughing my ass off when I read about this kid up north who got himself into a peck of trouble streaking at his high school. This muthafucker who happens to be an honor roll student decided he wanted to prove his street creed by streaking.

So during lunch he snuck into the bathroom and after taking off his clothes rubbed himself down with grape seed oil. See here’s his first mistake, cause who in such a situation uses fucking grape seed oil? What ever happened to good old fashioned baby-oil?

He gets himself all covered in oil then takes off running thru the lunch time crowd. Now being that most of these kids hadn’t ever heard of streaking, muthafuckers were of course freaked out at the sight of an oiled up nekked cat running amongst em slapping his junk all around. And when a school administer tried to stop him, this bright bastard figured instead of stopping, it’ll be funny to shake his junk at the teacher and make fuckin motions.

Yeah and you know what time it is because by now time school security had arrived on the scene and in this post-911 world you can figure out what happen next. Security tasered this muthafucker like he was homeless and high on crack. According to my many inside sources, when he got tasered, he made the mistake of twitching too much and that only got him tasered again. According to school officials he then complied with their requests to stop moving.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous Serra said...

He probably used grapeseed oil because baby oil's bad for motherfuckers--it's a petroleum product so your skin doesn't absorb it and you're a slicksickle for a week trying to get it off you and out of any hair that might be around. Besides, it causes zits and he might have enough of those.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Avitable said...

Harmless fads are all apparently tools for the terrorists. Just like light-up signs in Boston. Sigh.

7:00 AM  
Anonymous mark said...

Taser the harmless, that's my motto.

Ah, I'm harken back to the day when life was fun...

7:25 AM  

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