I got tagged??
More then likely I’m doing this all wrong but I got “tagged” by another blogger and as a result I’m to put up a post from March 2003. So here’s one where I’m talking about one of my favorite subjects. Cows..............
The Man’s sending me up to Iowa on Wednesday to do some shit, whilst doing the shit’s gonna kick my ass, the road trip is gonna do nothing but ease me out. Nothing more relaxing then hitting the road for a few hours, especially on someone else’s dime.
Soon as I hit I-35 north out’a town, I’m punching the cruise control, lighting a smoke and cranking up the rock, and just chill. Fuck, I might even get my voice back, ya think? And it ain’t no road trip without eating the bad for your ass, road food.
Nothing say’s loving like a been under the lights too long sausage. Yeah, you know what’s up, roadside truck stop with one of those turning heated things full of sausages and hotdogs.
You pick one that has that burnt red color cause it’s been turning since the last shift, and slap that muthafucker on a bun. And as soon as you get back behind the wheel you start knocking em back.
And if your ass is really daring and you’re sure the next rest stop is under a c-note away, go ahead and slap some of that mystery chili on that bad boy. You just don’t know what you’re missing; it’s like driving with your cock out. Mine I mean.
And don’t forget those tiny donuts, just try to avoid the white powdery ones, powder gets all over your face and just looks bad and shit. I’ve seen some amazing shit on the road, including the chick that sold me the food at that last truck stop.
I just find it amazing that someone so monkey assed ugly is most likely getting it more then me? Anyway one year I was driving somewhere and stopped at this truck stop for a piss and a bite.
I get back to the vehicle and as I’m sitting there wondering why the mustard’s such a funny color (does that shit go bad?) I hear this huge commotion behind me.
Now sitting behind my truck is one of your smaller cattle haulers, the kind that’s pulled by a big honking pickup truck. The trailer looked to be full of maybe three to four cows, probably on their way to market or some such shit.
But what was making all the noise was that one of the cows decided that he wasn’t going out like that. So he proceeded to mount one of the other cows and commenced to fucking like there was no tomorrow, which there probably wasn’t.
It was some of the oddest shit I’d ever seen. Cowboys were climbing all over the trailer trying to break those cows loose but they just kept on fuckin.
I figured it was time for me to roll when the sides of the trailer started buckling out and popping rivets and shit. It looked like if shit didn’t calm down there was gonna be all kinds of horny cow ass loose at the truck stop, and I had things to do.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"