cock smoker

There’s this cat I’ve been watching that rides the same bus I do in the mornings. He’s this used up looking white guy who looks to be in his late thirty’s. The first time I saw em he had this huge bandage over his throat like maybe he’d had some sort of surgery and I thought it was odd that he was smoking. I watched as he stepped up to the bus and started doing this crazy power-puffing thing with his cigarette. You know, taking four or five super deep pulls off the smoke. Then after he got on and sat down the first thing he did was pull out another smoke and start puffing on it unlit. Damn, now that’s a serious tobacco jones’ing muthafucker, he reminded me of this cat I knew back in the day.

This was when I was just out’a school and found a gig selling Rexair Rainbow vacuum cleaners door to door, which is story I’ll have to tell one of these days. But there was this salesman that worked there that had a serious nicotine fetish. I’d watch em smoke one down and then use it to light a fresh one, and so on and so on. He had to average at least six packs a day, plus he was one of these real twitchy muthafucker’s that just grated on my nerves.

One day he was hanging around my desk talking shit to the point that I got so fed up that I took his smokes from him and told em to step the fuck off. The twitchy bastard freaked so hard cause I took his smokes that he ran out of the fucking building. He came back in a few minutes and told me to give him his smokes back, again I told him to fuck off. His reply was to pull a gun on me. “Where you get that, you’re gonna shoot me over a pack of smokes”?

He actually started crying, screaming “give em to me, give em to me, or I’ll put a hole in your ass”! “Well damn, if they mean that much to you, here, take the fuckin things”. Just went to show that twitchy muthafucker’s don’t need to be selling vacuum cleaners door to door and shit. Anyway, the cat on the bus reminded me of em, he got on the bus this morning after sucking one down to the butt, then sat down across from me. Not only did he slap a fresh one in his mouth but pulled a can of beer out’s his pocket along with a handful of pills, which he then proceeded to down along with the beer. All I could think of was that someone’s gonna have an interesting day.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"