I am such a slacker fucktard; I had four days off and didn’t get a muthafuckin thing accomplished. Thursday I never got out of my robe or left the house, but Friday turned out to be a different story due to me turning into a sexy social beast.
Friday I spent the afternoon at Kennedy’s bar where I had lunch and a shitload of coffee. One of my closest friend’s bartends there during the day and me, her and the owner were talking and I think he wants to try out my fried chicken recipe there. Then later I got a call and ended up at the new Hurricane with a couple of friends.
The new Hurricane looks very nice by the way; think of the same place except that it smells really clean with all new shit. New stage, new lights, new pissers in the bathrooms which means no more pissing into the trough, and the new owners are all rock guys so we’ll see how shit rolls. After the Hurricane I headed over to the Record Bar where I met more friends.
Three bars in one day must’a stretched my sociability factor to the limits because on Saturday I never left the house or got dressed. Sunday I got laundry done and the trash taken out and that was about it. Oh check this out. My doctor has me trying out a new medicine, and when he gave it to me he said that I might feel some “bone pain” as a side effect. Or did he mean joint pain? Whatever.....
Since I never seem to be affect by “side effects” I didn’t think much of it and who knows what the fuck “bone pain or joint pain” is? But Friday night after I went to bed I must’a rolled over in my sleep and the next thing I knew it felt like someone had snapped my fuckin forearm in two. Now during my life I’ve had to deal with some serious pain issues but this was something new and all I knew was that I never ever wanted to feel that kind of pain again. And yeah, it felt like something called bone pain would.
I can’t even begin to describe how deep and painful this was. It hurt so much it actually scared the fuck out of me. I thought having a doctor touching a bundle of open nerves during surgery or a heart attack was the ultimate pain but compared to the other night all those wasn’t shit.
It did bring to mind those prescription commercials where at the end the announcer does the disclaimer at a thousand words a minute?
“thisproductmaycausebleedingfromthebowelsPlease alert your physician if you develop any of these symptoms.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"