small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: of course it happened

Tuesday, January 16

of course it happened

Egghead scientist the world over are all struck with the dumbass due to a forty-thousand year old skull being found in a cave in Romania that includes features of both modern humans and Neanderthals, thus possibly suggesting that the two species may have interbred thousands of years ago.

Of course unless you were born in a stinkin assed cave, in the scheme of who’s on first, its common knowledge that Neanderthals were replaced by early modern humans? And egghead researchers have long debated whether the two groups mixed together, which for those of us that lead simpler lives means they fucked and had little hairy babies.

Now for whatever reason, researchers have the biggest problem thinking that the two groups got busy with each other which just baffles the fuck out of me. I mean this just might be me talking out of my ass but here’s how I’m seeing shit. I know Neanderthals dropped off the scene what, twenty-four, twenty-five thousand years ago?

Even so I’m so sure there was some overlap, cause I know shit just didn’t go poof and there’s some modern muthafucker falling out of the tree and shit and hanging out all by himself scratching his balls. And really, think about it. Back in the day what was there for a muthafucker to do but hang out in the cave, eat, kill, fuck, and stay warm.

If these muthafuckers weren’t eating and looking for more food, then they were fuckin anything with a hole and if they couldn’t fuck it or eat it, then they killed it. So it makes sense that if some modern cat was kicking it by the river and saw this really, really fuckin ugly, hairy odd looking chick bent over splashing water up stream. That he’s gonna walk up to her and knock her big foreheaded ass out with a stick and fuck her until the hair on her ass rubs off.

Oh and don’t even get me started on if a Neanderthal muthafucker sees a modern human chick. Fuck, that’ll be like some crazy supermodel shit going on there. He’s staring at some strange looking chick that doesn’t look like his mother, all hairy and big browed and shit but smooth to boot plus tits?

He’d be so sick with that shit that all that chick would hear would be a bunch of crazed grunting and a big bump as that muthafucker does the bum’s rush on her ass. So of course there was some interbreeding going on. I’m just sayin is all.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Tony said...

Exactly!!! Your latter explanation of the Neanderthal and human hookup phenomenon is basically what explains most of my dating life.

It's entirely possible and no surprise to me.

Damn lucky prehistoric people, they didn't even have to buy drinks.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

That sort of early, interspecies breeding would certainly explain modern mysteries. You know, like the popularity of NASCAR and Rasslin', the herd mentality and vacuous gullibility of people who watch Fox News programs like the O'Reilly Factor. And mullets. Mullets were the only Neanderthal "fashion" innovation that is still with us today.

6:08 PM  
Blogger HateTaxes said...

I think you need to send your exact blog into Scientific America magazine editorial board. It is the best explanation of human behavior ever written.

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Disregarding the fact that you're one of the crudest bastards I've ever known:

a) you're insightful
b) you're funny as shit
c) you have the balls to tell the world exactly what you think of it, and fuck whoever's listening that doesn't like it

Live forever, man. The world would be so much less without you in it.

12:40 PM  

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