small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: Happy Valentines Day

Wednesday, February 14

Happy Valentines Day

Instead of wasting money on candy that’ll make her ass fat or roses that’ll only end up dying and getting thrown in the trash or shit that’ll put you in debt. How bout you both try to work thru the day without wanting to fuck other people.

Or how about you maybe not mention how he forgot what you wore on your first date two years ago. And you could back up off her ass for a while about wanting her to shave it like those girls at the club. Oh, and calling his cock his little boo boo? It wouldn’t kill you to knock that off for at least one day.

On the same hand making flapping noises when she takes off the bra isn’t kosher either. At least for one day try to remember what it was that brought you two together instead of what’s pulling you apart.

Lock the kids in the basement, put on your favorite tunes, put the paper bags back in the drawer and try fuckin with the lights on this once. You might remember how much you both like it.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Stop complaining to your co-workers about him/her should be right up there.

Can't stand that shit. My retort is always, "Why the fuck did you get married," which usually shuts them up or they come up with the, Oh but I still love him/her.

Well if you still love him or her do not complain to someone who is just a work acquaintance. Leave that shit for your friends.

Oh, and another, you got me going man, is when they ask me if I got something for my sister or Mom. I do not fuck my sister or mom, maybe they do, but on Mothers day my Mom gets a shit load of stuff, and on both of their birthdays and holidays I break the bank for them.

So Valentines is the day my girlfriend and I do not buy shit and have marathon sex.

Damn…TMI…and here I am complaining about the people at work. LOL

12:57 PM  
Blogger PGP said...

Seems like an awful lot of bitching over an arbitrary non-event.

5:09 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Today he brought home a dozen beautiful roses. I've been sick, haven't been out of the house, and his present is backordered, so I thought what would be nice would be to make him whatever he wanted for supper and just facilitate whatever he wanted to do, which this evening was play his guitar, watch tv and get some sleep. Without any bitching, interrupting, whining, irritating, asking too many questions or all of the other annoying shit I'm known for.

I think he appreciated it, maybe more than a lot of other things we could have done.

It ain't all about getting laid.

10:45 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

And about that card: I've heard it called a lot of things, called it a lot of things myself, but seriously, "your vag" has to be one of the tackiest, most unimaginative things I've ever heard. It would have been better even if it said "your junk" (as opposed to "my junk").
Whoever wrote that card can just scrap all those dreams of working for Hallmark.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

You're such a romantic!

1:34 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I had flowers delivered to her office a day early. Not roses. Any fucktard can order a dozen roses. I searched until I found an arrangement that screamed SPRINGTIME and had them delivered on a day when the city was paralyzed by snow and ice.

Last night, she came over to the house and watched as I prepared filet mignon with truffled mushroom ragout with a side of prosciutto-wrapped asparagus with truffle butter. Which we ate in the dining room by candle-light.

Afterwards, we migrated to the living room and snuggled on the couch as we watched "The Departed" in all its 46'", DLP, HD, Dolby surround sound goodness.

Now THAT'S a fucking Valentine's Day.

8:10 PM  
Blogger simon said...

"Now THAT'S a fucking Valentine's Day."

That's as maybe, but all that investment in poncy food and no fucking?

Truffles? Pah! There are things much more valuable that even my non-trained snout can find.

Mind you, now that I've found it any advice on what to do with it would be heartily welcomed.

7:42 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

Old Blue, "Why the Fuck did you get married" Trust me, I ask myself that very question every goddamn day on my hour commute to and from work. Why I've been married three times is the question for the ages, that's for sure.
And, you're right, I don't fuck my mother and I don't have a sister to fuck. I got stuff for my wife and a small candy for her daughter, who I'm also not fucking.

What a waste of a day.

Oh,and is the answer.

10:13 PM  

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