small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: lost in space

Tuesday, February 6

lost in space

I read this story that proves that no matter your station in life or how high the achievements you’ve accomplished, you too can be crazy for the cock and go trailer park on a muthafucker. The way the story goes this chick living in Houston found out that this other chick who she thinks is getting it on with her “boyfriend” is arriving by plane into Orlando, Florida.

Now in her head she gets the idea that she needs to have a talk with this chick so what does she do? She hops in her car and decides to drive over nine-hundred fuckin miles just to get up in this chick’s face as she arrives at the Orlando airport.

And just to make it better, she throws on a diaper so that she doesn’t have to stop for a pee break or any such mundane shit like that. It’s like how fuckin pissed or batshit crazy do you have to be to want to talk to someone so fuckin badly that pissing my pants or shitting the bed has ever come up as an option.

She gets to the airport and after putting on a wig and trench coat sneaks on the same parking lot bus as the other chick and follows her to where her car is park. The crazy chick starts crying and raising a fuss and ends up spraying the chick in the car with what seems to be mace. Cops are called and the crazy chick gets arrested and searched and here’s what the cops found on her.

• Wig
• Trench coat
• Diapers
• BB gun
• Steel mallet
• Folding knife
• Various lengths of rubber tubing
• Garbage bags
• Latex gloves
• Pepper spray
• Six hundred bucks in cash
• Love letter from her to the guy indicating how much she really really loves him.
• The address and info of the “other” woman

Now the crazy chick is telling police that she only wanted to “talk” to the other chick about her relationship with her “boyfriend” and that she meant her no harm. So sounds like some crazy fuckfest straight off of Springer doesn’t it.

But the crazy diaper wearing chick is in reality U.S. Navy Captain. Lisa Nowak, who flew last July on a shuttle mission to the international space station. Bitch is a goddamn rocket scientist and shit.

And the alluded too “boyfriend” all the fuckin fuss is being made over is Navy Commandeer. William Oefelein, a pilot during space shuttle Discovery’s trip to the space station last December, another fuckin rocket scientist who’s been fuckin both these chicks.

According to my many unknown sources, the Nowak chick is married with three assed kids. And during her 13-day shuttle mission in July she operated the robotic arm during three spacewalks. Whilst the cat she’s all batshit cock crazy over is single with two kids and happens to be the pilot of the space shuttle Discovery which went up this past December.

Besides facing the humiliation of being caught wearing poopie pants and becoming the butt of everybody’s punch line, Nowak is being charged with kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery and apparently is considered such a train wreak that she’s being denied bail.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

1. This reads like one of those 1950's sci-fi movies where somebody goes into space, gets exposed to some exotic radiation, and comes back a brain-eating, soul-sucking, zombie.

2. The list of shit she had with her reads like one of those "which of these things doesn't belong" lists. I don't even know where to start.

3. Being smart don't mean you're sane.

4. It’s a prudent policy to deny bail to someone who has a history of actually leaving the planet.

5. Even truck drivers, whose lively-hoods depend on driving long distances as fast as possible with no more stops than necessary don't resort to wearing diapers! Hell no! They fill up huge plastic bottles with their urine and then pitch those piss bombs out their windows at 75 mph.

Q: “Do you think she’ll be convicted and go to prison?”

A: “Depends.”

6:53 PM  
Blogger SmedRock said...

Update to that: She is out on $25k in bail, whiule wearing an ankle bracelet. And an additional charge was added; that would be attempted murder. She went to the judge twice today.

Watched the second hearing live.

7:05 PM  
Blogger Assrot said...

Hmmm. Talk about a career ending move heh? What a stupid bitch. I hope her poopy ass goes to jail for several years. I wonder if the military will try to get this pushed under the rug? Even if they do, who is going to get in a space shuttle with her after this? I wouldn't get near the bitch even if your big ass was my body guard. No insult intended. My big ass is almost the same size as yours.


7:47 PM  
Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

I'd go into space with her.

Three words...

Zero Gee Sex.

Sounds like she would be game for anything.

I'd tap that psycho shit in space.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous lethargy said...

what an asshat.
and here astronauts were one of the few untained role models left in the world.

still keeping tabs

-fema girl

10:27 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

and didn't I just read that Bush announced today that he's increasing NASA funding?

For what... a bail fund?

10:38 PM  
Blogger CapricornCringe said...

I want to hear what the husband has to say about all this. Have your many unknown sources tracked him down yet? I can just imagine that conversation.

5:00 AM  
Blogger Well Hell Michelle said...

I've never been so mad at someone that I decided peeing on myself was a good idea...

4:21 PM  

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