me and Rosario sitting in a tree, k. i. s. s. i. n. g.

This morning I decided I was going to see “Grindhouse” and since I won’t go to anything but a matinee I got cleaned up and hit the streets early. I decided to see it near work, at the Ward Parkway Shopping Center, which turned out to be a bad choice.

I get there and the part of the mall that contains the movie house is is being remodeled and shit. The escalators are gone and everything is boarded up and the only way to get to the theater is by walking up two long ass flights of stairs.

So it was up the stairs to the theater, buy the ticket and up some more stairs, find the fuckin theater and up more stairs to the fuckin top where I can sit with my back to the wall. But once the movie started all those cocksucking stairs were worth the trouble.

First off let me say that there will be a lot of you muthafuckers who won’t get this movie. For the simple reason a lot of you have been bred on movies featuring seamless special effects/CGI and flawless editing and all that good shit.

Not that Grindhouse doesn’t have it’s share of special effects but it’s best special effect was in it’s faithful replication of an old seventies movie. The kind if you were a teenager growing up in the seventies you might have seen and taken for granted as a double features at the drive-in. All this movie was missing was the dancing popcorn and fries singing “let’s all go to the lobby”.

Now even though it showcased the stinking assed fucked up zombies, I nutted up and watched “Planet Terror”. Which even with the stinking assed fucked up zombies, I enjoyed immensely.

Before this movie Rose McGowan never struck me as someone I enjoyed seeing on the screen. But she rocked this muthafucker with her cock out. And yes, I’d fuck her, machine gun leg and all.

I was saddened at the end to see the Freddy Rodriguez’s character die. But he did get that ass and who would have thought Freddy Rodriguez could play a tough guy?

I absolutely dug Planet Terror and I’m waiting for some gay assed critic to go “I didn’t find it very realistic” so that I can pee about four ounces of reality into a cup and UPS to em.

Now “Death Proof” just floored me. I heard a lot of people bitching about all the excessive chick dialogue. But you know what? Chicks talk a lot and that’s just the way shit is.

Plus “Death Proof starred Rosario Dawson who can put my balls in a bag anytime she wants. As a matter of fact fuck “Death Proof”, here’s your fuckin review. Blah blah Kurt Russell blah blah bad ass chicks blah…….it was a great fuckin movie and enough said on that.

So back to the love of my loins, Rosario Dawson, who can tap me with her bumper anytime. I don’t want to be rich or famous or even relatively good looking. I just want Rosario Dawson in my life.

Fuck, I’m not even gonna lie. Just get me into the same space with Rosario Dawson so I can look at her and smell her and I’ll be one happy muthafucker.

As a matter of fact if Rosario Dawson was to stand at the apex of a six flight set of stairs with a stopwatch and told me if I was to reach her under a certain time she’d be mine?

Fuck by the time she said the word mine, I’d be on her. I might not be breathing but I’d be there. Did I tell you how I rented the movie “Alexander” just so I could fast forward to her nude scene? Over and over and over again? Yeah, that’s how I’m roll.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"