Mr. Sandman, dream me a dream
Up in the land of the round bacon this cat was at a party and after getting his drink on fell asleep on the couch with this chick he’d been talking too.
A few hours later he found himself getting slapped awake by the chick who was all what the fuck are you doing? Because the what the fuck was he doing was that he had slipped her the cock and was just banging away like a retard on his sister.
Which if you think the chick was surprised, imagine the surprise on the cat’s face since for all intents and purposes he claims he was asleep and was unaware that he was doing the deed?
Cops were called, small children were traumatized and he ended up in court on sexual assault charges.
But to the chagrin of female canucks everywhere the cat was acquitted of all charges and the case is now on appeal.
And why you’re most likely asking, was he cleared of the sexual assault charges?
Well according to my many unknown sources, under Canadian law “if there's no intent to commit a crime, you haven't committed a crime”. Now I know you’re as fucked up with the dumbass as I am, but check this out.
The cat has a long history of sleepwalking which according to my many inside sources, belongs to a group of behaviors known as “parasomnias”, which can run the gamut from sleepwalking to sleep driving.
This odd little grouping also includes the rare but documented “sexsomnia” or sleepsex.
Eggheads in the know about this kind of shit say think of it as a more advanced form of sleepwalking. It covers the full gamut of sexual activity, from feeling someone up to actual fuckin, with one crucial difference.
The patients apparently have no conscious awareness of what they're doing and, when wakened, have no recollection of it. Some kind of rape defense huh?
Now psychiatrist have only aware of sleepsex since 2005 and some of em either accept it as plausible whilst others call bullshit on it.
I guess it depends on which side of the defense table you’re sitting on.
Now myself, I have sex in my sleep all the time but all I get out of it is a sticky pillow and bad ass cramps. I don’t know, I’m just saying that if I’m having sex I sure in the fuck want to be awake for it.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"