small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: things not to do in Wichita when you're dead

Thursday, August 9

things not to do in Wichita when you're dead

As any self-help professional will tell you, the first step to solving your problem is first understanding that you have a problem.

And as a self professed frequent masturbator I can understand how the act of self pleasuring yourself can be a problem.

First off let me make it crystal clear that the act of rubbing one out is not the issue here. The issue isn’t doing the act but where one chooses to masturbate.

I don’t care if you use your shop-vac, the pets; your roommate’s underwear or the power of Grayskull; you can’t go rubbing one out in public.

You know how muthafuckers get if they catch you peeing in public so you know they’re gonna freak the fuck out if they catch you masturbating in public.

Take for example this cat in Wichita, Kansas who got busted knocking one off at the main library. Customers were complaining to the head librarian about this cat over behind some shelves making all kinds of noise and shit.

So the librarian scoped it out and found the cat beating it off like there was no tomorrow. She fronted the muthafucker and that’s when he became unglued and started getting all loud and shit.

Which to tell you the truth, I kind of sympathize with. I’m just saying that if I was maybe sitting in my car maybe watching cheerleading practice and maybe someone busted me rubbing one out, I might be a tad upset.

Not…that…I….would….ever….do….that…hypothetically speaking and shit. “Cough, cough…..

But anyway, here’s this cat screaming at everyone with his cock all wagging around and shit when suddenly he pulled a knife and acted like he was gonna stab the librarian.

That’s when a security guard came out of no where and gleefully started tasering his ass back to the third world.

According to my many inside sources, it was not a pretty site.

A fifty-eight year old man flopping around on the floor like a slapped three-year old, pissing himself and all that just isn’t a pretty sight. And simply because he couldn’t wait till he got home to beat one out.

Just let this be a lesson to all of you. Don’t beat your meat in public because it’ll be your luck to get tasered in the balls and then what will you do? I’m just saying and shit.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Spyder said...

Too funny!

11:55 AM  

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