small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: get your eagle on

Tuesday, July 12

get your eagle on

I had to pull the battery on my old bike so this weekend I went over to my mothers where I had it parked. I thought this was gonna be a pain in the ass but after removing the seat and side panels along with the starter solenoid, the battery slid out on this little tray neater then shit. And whilst there digging around her back porch I found this old cast iron Dutch oven that belonged to my grandmother. Muthafucker even had the iron lid to go with it, man I’ve wanted one of those for a long time.

Anyway last night betwixt cooking pot roast I got stuck on this TV show called Dr. 90210. I never watch this shit but when they showed the folks appearing I spied this chick with a huge rack so I kind’a stayed tuned. Speaking of huge racks and not meaning to sound all odd and shit, but this morning while waiting for the coffee shop to open I saw a rare thing. Walking toward me was a young attractive woman of Asian decent sporting what had to be a pair of 38DD’s. Now I know what you’re saying, “but Greg, big tits on a chick, big fuckin deal”. Which is all well and good until you remember the ancient proverb spoken by the blind minstrel Homer. Hmmm, now how did that go?….
“find a women from the land of the setting sun with big rack and kings will beat a path to her door”
So I’m telling you, this was special. Anyway getting back to the show, the chick with the big rack was a porn star getting her asshole bleached. Yeah, they got this shit that after being spread over the ole starfish will bleach it to blend with the rest of the ass. Haven’t you ever seen some chick in a porno and wonder what the deal was?

Fine whatever, another chick who was with her mom wanted some tuck work done on her cooch due to the fact that is was rather large? By large and without getting too graphic, her shit had extensions if you know what I mean. Like her butterfly was all droopy and shit. The eagle had landed.

Ok, moving on…the last person wanted some work done on his chest to get rid of his man breasts. Until they showed that the cat was actually born a chick and was taking hormones to grow hair and bulk up and shit. If you were to see this cat in his skivvies in the locker room, you’d never think that he had the inverted peehole and shit. And the oddest part was when they were talking to the cat’s brother. “Oh, I just see him as the same old Susie I grew up with.” And I’m thinking that no, Susie was your fuckin sister; this cat looks like he’s here to replumb the house.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous RD said...

Jesus H., Greg, you just flew by at Mach III. Let's see, bike battery, pot roast, bleached pooper, droopy lips, Miss Mister and Confusius say 'hubba hubba'. Gotta meet you some day, man. Blog on.

7:48 PM  
Blogger Sid said...

Goddamit, I watch Dr. 90210 all the time and I never see that! Okay, I watched it three times. But still. I'm just sayin' is all.

9:49 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Sometimes I'm really glad we can't get TV out here.

11:11 PM  
Blogger Grey Biker said...

I never knew you could have your asshole bleached. I'll be watching for one now.

7:04 AM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

Do you remember the controversy about Lara Flynn Boyle and her asshole? It seems that when she was dating Jack Nicholson, he deemed her pooper to be a little too colorful, and so she went in and had it bleached! Talk about your low self esteems!

I think if I ever had some one tell me to bleach any thing but my socks and underware I would seriously need to reconsider my relationship...well and career choice too.

3:08 PM  

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