sweatin the small stuff

what you mean, they didn't like the movie? bitches!


From the “you gotta fuckin be kidding me” and the “you’re pulling my leg right?” departments……

comes a story from the shuttered land of North Korea, the land shrouded in mystery ruled by a master despot with an iron fist who appears to the world in the form of a badly coifed ruler by the name of Kim Jong ll. It seems that during the early days of the Korean War a young North Korean was dispatched to South Korea to do a little spying and shit. And whilst doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that, he missed his truck and got left behind enemy lines when the cease-fire agreement betwixt the two countries was signed. A while later Lee was narked out and shoved into a South Korean prison for being a spy.

Time goes by and the two countries decide to work out one of those exchanges we’re always hearing about. You know, you say I was right on points A & B and give up some shit, and I’ll give up some of your boys I got cooling in lockup. But according to some of my many inside sources, Mr. Lee along with sixty-two other North Koreans decided that they wanted to stay put. Which was fine by South Korea since they knew that the second Lee got back across the border, he and his boys would be used in some sort of propaganda campaign talking shit on South Korea. As a matter of fact Mr. Lee spent almost forty-five years in various South Korean prisons before finally getting kicked out due to old age and bad health and shit.

Sure enough as soon as Lee got home he received a hero's welcome and, sure enough, North Korea made a film on Lee's "HEROIC STRUGGLE FOR THE MOTHERLAND" whilst being held in South Korean prisons and made sure all North Koreans saw it. But according to my many inside sources, who after buying a few defectors some mixed cocktails got to hear the real deal, that when the propaganda film was released to the viewing public, shit backfired.

The film detailed how Mr. Lee and others during an act of righteous North Korean anger, refused to eat and went on a long hunger strike. To say the least, reactions to all this were mixed from the man on the street.

"What we called bullshit on was that in the movie Lee and others were conducting hunger strikes in the prison," said one mystified defector about the movie.

"Refusing to eat was a form of resistance in the South? That was the baddest stick it to the MAN shit these cocksuckers could come up with, not eating? Boy, South Korea must be some fuckin kind of paradise"

Many North Korean defectors said their first reaction upon seeing the film was to ask how people could stay in prison for more than 10 years and remain alive? It was like goddamn, muthafuckers barely last even three years in North Korean political prisons. And being fed three regular meals a day is utterly unimaginable. Hell, even the word ludicrous was being heard bandied about.

After asking my many inside sources what the deal was I found out that after many years of economic fuckups and shit of that ilk, the North Koreans since the mid-1990s have relied heavily on international food aid to feed muthafuckers while continuing to spend all their shit maintaining an army of about 1 million. The nation has gone thru its eleventh year of food shortages because of a lack of farmable land, collective farming, weather-related problems, and chronic shortages of fertilizer and fuel. Meaning that unless it was for the army, muthafucker’s got severely short-stroked.

Massive international food aid deliveries have allowed the regime to escape mass starvation since 1995, but the population remains the victim of prolonged malnutrition and fucked up living conditions. Large-scale military spending eats up resources needed for investment and civilian consumption. Which is more or less what I explained above. North Korea, a nation that covers an area more or less the size of Mississippi and dealing with a population of almost twenty-three million stinkin muthafuckers, is on the brink of famine. So when muthafucker’s see a propaganda film where the worst things that could happen to a cat was to miss a few squares a day and shit of that ilk, of course they called bullshit on the whole thing. Word has it that the film has been pulled from circulation.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"